Thursday, May 03, 2007

So far behind

I'm so far behind on reading your blogs my friends. Friendship... that's a hard one for me. I'm moved around so much in my life. I've lost more friends, than many people ever know. But I admire those whose friendships last. I'd like to be one of them.

I'm a rather social being, outward, obvious. I have a way of making myself known, and knowing people. To some extent, I think it arose out of my early childhood experiences. I had a terrible time in elementary school, in part because of a bully I thought was my best friend in second grade. I was also almost a year younger than most of the kids, and smaller. Long story. But the upshot is, I learned to navigate the murky waters of cliques by always being a satellite, never in enough to be expelled, never out enough to be ignored. And this technique allowed me to have several groups of friends. But it also kept me somewhat of an outsider.

That sense has lived with me ever since. I've wrapped it up with my self-identity as a secular Jewish American.

All that said, I don't wish to lose the friendships I have developed here. Many of you have been a crucial part of my path from there to here. I've been blogging for nearly a year and a half. Your companionship has been my life raft. But I fall silent a bit lately.

In many ways this silence is a good thing. Beneath the derma of my extroversion, lies a skeleton of self-reflection, quietude. I've been busy lately. Busy with my work. That has been good. I'm not really miserable anymore. Sure, there are slips. But I'm steering again, no longer adrift in the waves without a rudder.

But steering takes more concentration than I've given it. And that takes time away from other things. I hope you will not mind my slowly catching up on your lives, my likely commenting on some posts late in the game.

I am still here. In fact, I'm back like I haven't been in years. As they say in Czech: Drž se, přátele. Jasně, se držím.*

* [NB: This translation can not do justice to the original]
Hold on, my friends. Clearly, I will.

4 comments:

BrightStar said...

I'm really glad to hear that you're motivated to do your work. Congratulations at finding your groove.

Greg Weeks said...

If positive events in your life make blogging less necessary, all the better.

Lilian said...

Oh, that's fine, my friend.

You sound a lot like my husband, who also moved a lot when he was growing up and learned to detach himself from places and people. He also had several groups of friends.

I guess that changed a little after he met me :) But now I became more of a "butterfly" like him.

Anyway, and just so you know, it looks like our house hunting is over (we were looking for a house for the past 3 weeks).

What Now? said...

There are seasons in our lives, and in some seasons we interact with others in one way, and in other seasons in another way. It's all cool.