I want a holiday

Today: Van wouldn't start. Someone (it wasn't me) left the rear lights on, for two days! The battery was dead. Half the day gone with getting it charged. Okay, not terrible. Just annoying.

Yesterday: 3:00 meeting with... the owner of our house (old, infirm, dementia issues) and her daughter (she has a daughter? I thought we were dealing with her son and daughter-in-law.). A-yup. I had gotten an odd call on Tuesday, as I was driving to teach my guest lecture, from the realtor who had served as the rental agent (but who explained that he was not to serve as property manager). He asked if I'd be around to meet with them the following day. Um... yeah, I guess. Don't worry, it's nothing about you... just... something happened on their end, with their family. Oh... well, that sure put my mind at ease.

Turns out there is a domestic dispute between the son and daughter, involving lawyers, bank accounts, wills, and powers of attorney. The mother is caught in the middle, as unfortunately are we. I signed an amendment to the lease, indicating that I should mail my checks to a different address. Oh well, it's not my family... I pay my bills, and hope that they'll get to the right parties.

Tomorrow: My wife turns 35! I ordered her a $100 gift certificate for Victoria's Secret that she doesn't know about yet. When she gets home from work, I will whisk her off for a half hour drive to a nice little French bistro, followed by a play.

We need to get out more. She deserves it. I think I do too. I need a break... a pause from all the worries. I need to stop and figure out where I'm going, how I'm getting there, and why. Okay, part of this is the trouble with waiting. I've sent off applications; now I just sit it out, if or until I hear back. But I need to not just be waiting. I need to chart a course (flexible enough to take detours) and head off.

I'm beginning to do that. My wife is a wonderful co-pilot. Happy birthday to her!

A "Thank you!"

Hi Articulate,

Just wanted to say thank you again for coming all the way to Lemon University and giving such a wonderful talk. The students were interested and enjoyed it. You're a terrific speaker--enthusiastic and upbeat and positive, good at keeping students' attention. And the subject was really really interesting. Several students commented today on how interested they were in what you talked about.

So, thank you! I hope you're around next year and we can do the same thing.

Oh, and don't forget to send me your resume. I've talked to a couple of people already and I'd upgrade the moderate to good chance I mentioned last night to a pretty good chance of a part-time gig for next academic year, if you're around and interested. There are 2 faculty members, the admin director (you met him) and the dean to convince. I've got one of the faculty and the admin director convinced. I think I can convince the other faculty. I'm not sure about the dean, but I'll do my best.

Take care,
Sara

This will happen, right? All of this effort and energy, commitment and drive will lead somewhere, won't it? I mean, I'm not a schmuck. I'm not lost in a classroom. I'm not without ideas for research. I will get a suitable job, right? There will be a happy ending, yes?

Revise and resubmit?

Word is in from the [Field 1/subfield 2] journal.

The review cycle is now complete.
I have attached three files: the letter of decision and two reader's reports. Unfortunately, the readers recommend we do not publish the submission in its current form.

Alright then. The comments are abundantly helpful. There's no formal "revise and resubmit" mechanism, but the editor encouraged me to consider them again. It's really good to get feedback, to feel a part of the academic community again. Considering this was a slightly revised version of a term paper I wrote four or five years ago, I can't feel that bad. As I wrote back then:

I can't say I have a high confidence level that the article will be accepted without major revisions, but I wanted to get something out there. Hopefully, I'll get some good feedback even if it is rejected. And, with a little luck, I'll get a "revise and resubmit" order, giving me some drive to move ahead.

I guess I've gotten that now.

Oh, for a classroom of my own

It went well, really well. It felt so good to be in front of students again, to be talking about something I'm passionate about. 7:00-9:30, then nearly an hour of talking and questions afterwards.

My friend whose class it was was quite pleased, hoping that I'll come back next year. Looks like the two positions open are not really appropriate for me. But she indicated that she'd think there's a good prospect to hire me as an adjunct next year (if I'm still around and available).

It felt really good to be teaching again. The students' interest and her praise renew a bit of my confidence. I told my friend that I miss the classroom. She said it misses me too.

This is what the office is for

One hour 50 minutes left before I drive. The floor of my office is strewn with articles and notes, and slides from previous talks. I've made good progress today. I think I'll be well prepared for this class tonight. It's a three hour class. That's a lot of time. What makes it harder is that the subject of my talk is [Field 1 & Field 2 studies]. You ever realize how hard it is to narrow down a topic that you've spent so many years expanding? From that standpoint, three hours should be fine. It's not like a conference paper, which you have to distill to 20 minutes. That said, it still feels like there is so much I could talk about. Figuring out how the many pieces fit together into one cohesive whole, and deciding which parts to just cast off, is the hard part.

I like deadlines, because they give me something concrete to work towards. But, as you can gather from my current state, I'm out of practice preparing for a class. There's the sense that the longer it's been since I've taught a class, the higher my expectations are for this one. It also helps that my friend for whose class I'm teaching happens to be co-chairing a search committee for two posts in [Field 1/subfield 2] at her school this year. Now do you understand why I'm a bit nervous, and still working on this thing just hours before the class? The application deadline is in January. I'll be having dinner with her before class, so maybe I'll broach the subject if it seems appropriate.

Meantime, there is a class full of students who are expecting to hear wisdom and enlightenment from me. Let's hope I don't fail to inspire them.

Nail biting

Hmmm... now where is that FAQ? When am I supposed to hear about that grant?

Award notices

Applicants will be notified of the result of their application by letter in early December 2006.

Yeah, I know... forget it. It's been since May... I've forgotten, only to remember again. Nail biting time. Notification one way or the other will come soon enough.

Other things, other things... distractions. Oh yeah, but this is my distraction from working on my lecture notes. Not very helpful, I'd say.

[SIGH]

...and another thing

I just took a big step. I spent the past hour crafting a letter, exporting to .pdf, then I clicked [send].

It was a letter to a literary agent specializing in juvenilia, regarding two children's books I've written.

I'm supposed to be finishing up my lecture notes for my talk tomorrow. I've worked on them. Still a couple more hours of work today, then most of a day tomorrow. I'm not worried. I needed to take a step, move ahead on another one of my paths.

I'm standing at a crossroads, surveying the many choices that lie ahead. I realize that I can turn around, or try a tributary path any time I like. They're my legs; I can direct them. But it sure feels good to know it.

It's cold, and I wander

Not much of a headline for most of you, I'm sure. But it's really cold in here. Apparently, neither the heat nor the air conditioning work in my office building. Not much of a concern most of the time. But, it's somewhere south of 60°F in my office here, and my fingers are stiff on the keyboard. It's grey and rainy outside. I'm half expecting to see my breath. I'll need to bring a space heater in here. Don't get me wrong, I still love having an office.

Not that it solves all my "issues". I've got to work out just what to do with my life. I'd have thought that at 38, I'd have worked that out, know my path, walking firmly. Ah well. I'm happy in many ways. A wonderful wife, two marvelous boys (plans to have a third child, just as soon as we can work out the timing).

Actually, I've made my decisions. I know what I'm working on. It's the uncertainties that bother me. I'm still applying for faculty gigs. Not too many, not too few. Fifteen so far this season. My to-do list is nearly finished for 2006. I've got to finish my lecture notes for tomorrow's guest talk of 3 hours. And I've got one more conference abstract to prepare. I have six more (potential) job applications for January on my beginning of 2007 to-do list.

But what's it all about? I'm feeling closer and closer to the decision that this will be my last full-out academic job search. (I waffle, I know... but I'm not running for office; I'm just trying to get my life in order). Either I get a post this year, or I may just give up on that track. I'm working hard to stay busy, to keep writing. The more I send out, not only job applications, but book proposals, and articles, and grant proposals, and conference abstracts, the more I'm doing, the less I need the faculty job. (Who knows, perhaps when I've given up worrying about it, a job will fall in my lap). But I've got to not need it.

I wonder about continuing to present in conferences, and submit articles to academic journals. Are they just to keep my foot in the academic door? For now, I keep it up. Ah, but there is so much to do, so many ideas. I need to let myself out. Too much energy has been spent on this path with no payback, no rewards. I've got to find my way.

Crazy, sure, but good

The family's visit is almost over. No big flare ups. Too bad we only had my nephew for a few hours around dinner then bedtime, and a couple hours in the morning. But it's good to see him anyhow. He's four months younger than the Painter. It's nice for the cousins to know each other.

Middle Brother has spent more time with the family than I can remember for a long time. Oldest Brother... well, he's out on a blind date tonight. He got paid yesterday. So... he went out to buy some new clothes (Macy's), and got his car washed. Yeah! Really. I think it tells you something about his priorities, that he needs to borrow $100 to visit family, but suddenly finds who knows ($80-100 or more) rather than thinking ahead and bringing some nice clothes from home, and say, washing his car by hand! Any way... it's his life. I didn't really lend him the $100... I took it from the cash in our joint account, the remains of my father's "estate".

The three cousins got along fairly well (as did I and my two older brothers). My mother and Middle Brother depart tomorrow by plane. We'll give them a ride in and chance the traffic. Oldest Brother, who knows? Don't know when he'll get back tonight.

But, the turkey was good (Julia Child's deconstructed turkey recipe, modified of course). The stuffing, and mashed potatoes, the sauerkraut, and orange cranberries, the home baked rolls, all went over well. Tonight I made homemade bagels for tomorrow's breakfast. They're GOOD! Let's hope this year brings more of the successes we all seek, but even if life is all the same in a year, there is much to be thankful for.

Family time

My mother is here. The Painter is acting up a blue streak. Ah well. The Inventor is cute and showing off his words. Middle Brother arrives tomorrow by plane. We'll ask him to take a bus from the airport. It'll be quicker and easier. Oldest Brother is expected to arrive with Nephew late in the afternoon. Found out last night that indeed we'll all be gathering on Thursday rather than Friday.

See... Oldest Brother is still negotiating custody issues with Mother of His Son (otherwise known as Bitch from Hell) - pardon the French... I abhor her. Until last night we had been expecting to delay our meal until Friday, since they had verbally agreed to switch years. But since she was unwilling to make any concessions to permit it, he pulled in the big card, and decided to just stick with the letter of their custody agreement. It's his year, and if she wanted to have him with her family, it'd have to be on Friday. So we have 24 hours (minus the six hour drive) with Nephew.

My family. We bought the ticket for Middle Brother since he works for peanuts, and would not have been able to come otherwise. For Oldest Brother we merely had to shell over $100 "for gas and food". He doesn't work for peanuts. Rather he makes six figures these days. But somehow, he's always broke. Old debts and child support, and ... well you figure it out. I've given up trying, several thousand dollars of "loans" ago.

But, we'll all be gathering under one roof, to share turkey and sauerkraut, potatoes and soup. It's my family, for what it's worth. And I love them all. So, we'll eat too much, and sit around a fire, and laugh and cry. Then we'll part our ways until another time.

Office Internet

In... On... Good. :)

Talked this morning with the manager of a large office in my building. I'd been reading their wireless signal, but needed a password to get into their network. He was friendly, and completely unconcerned. I got the password, entered the network, and as far as I can see, I'm in, and I'm on for the foreseeable future. Like that.

Saves me nearly $100/month over getting my own DSL set up here. And, it gets me connected.

Okay, enough of that. Now I need to get productive.

Feeling quiet

Just not feeling like writing much here these days. Of course, not having internet at my office is part of it. I've been consumed these past few days with job applications. 14 so far for the season. I've got one more in the works, December 15 deadline, which I should be able to knock off today.

There remain only two scheduled items on my to-do list before the end of the year: 1) class notes for my guest lecture next week (I've got a rough outline worked up. I should be able to knock that off today as well, or by tomorrow mid-day in any case, since I've got to quit by 3:00 today.); and 2) one more conference abstract due December 15.

I'm still home at the moment, since I needed internet. I'll be heading to my office soon.

I've got 6 more potential job postings to apply for with January deadlines. Otherwise, I'll be working on my book manuscript. I'm hoping to have the middle two sections (out of four) completed by the end of February, with the outside sections completed by June. I don't have a contract yet, but I'm pretty confident on that count.

I also haven't heard official work from the [Field 1/subfield 2] journal regarding my article submission, but I hope to hear by the end of the week. It would be good to add that to my CV, but I'm not holding my breath. There's yet much more in me to send out; not too worried about any single item.

The other items remaining on my to-do list (without deadlines) include: finally starting data collection on my [Longitudinal Project]; and finding a literary agent for my children's books and the memoir about my father. These will be done by the end of the year.

I commit this one more season to applying for faculty posts. I can not say what this year will bring. Fruit, in any case. I'm sure of that. I simply don't know of what sort. This time next year, will I be a newly minted junior faculty member? Will I have a post-doc? Will I still be in my office next to the Trader Joe's, typing away on my projects, writing my books and articles, analyzing my data, updating and expanding my websites?

Will the Rocket Scientist "find her legs" and get settled into work at Rocket Central? Last evening she said:

Maybe we should just save our money and move to Mexico or the Czech Republic.
Excuse me? Be careful what you wish for!

No, she's not ready to disappear (nor for that matter am I, quite). But she has yet to feel fully involved at her new job. It's a bigger pond, and she's a smaller fish. And lately I've just been a fish without water, gasping the air which I can not breath, wanting lungs, and feet to move about. I'm tired of flopping. I realize at least half of circumstance is self-induced. I've got much to think about.

A glimmer of hope

I'm thrilled for my friend Trillwing for landing a job. Perhaps this is a glimmer of hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Today I knocked off three more job applications. I've got five more, another conference abstract, and a guest lecture to prepare in the next week. My mother arrives for Thanksgiving on Tuesday. My brothers arrive Thursday. It will be a busy week.

Tonight the Rocket Scientist and I head out for a night at an amusement park. Let go, let go. That's all I really want to do. God I hate still being here, still applying for jobs. As much I still get excited about the possibilities, it's far less than I used to get excited.

I saw a friend at the conference a couple weeks ago who finally after about three years of adjuncting landed himself a t-t job. The advice he gave was to not get excited about them, to not think about the possibilities, not imagine living in the place. Just submit the materials then forget it. I can't do that... I really can't. Partly, it's me. But partly it's simply where we are in life as a family. I've got to consider how my family would make it work, or not. No point in going through the motions for a job that from the outset I don't think I'd want or be able to take. But there are still many which might work.

There are several good prospects for me this season. I'm still hopeful, but my confidence has taken a major hit from all this time out. Worst of all, I realize that all my friends who've eventually gotten jobs spent their limbo time as adjuncts, a status which bizarre as it may sound I envy, because I've not been able to land myself any teaching these past two years. Perhaps it's simply circumstance, but it's hard not to doubt. Tell me, my friends, are there others out there who've gone years with only research to sustain them? Have they gotten jobs in the end?

But, no self-pity. This is my path. I've got an office now. My work is laid out before me. I have lectures and conference talks to prepare. I've got articles to submit, books to write. For now, I will continue to chronicle my life here, as I continue to hold on to that hope.

Brief office update

Yesterday, I moved into my new office. It's about 160 sq. ft. Can I just say... I'm in heaven. I still have to get used to having a space all to myself, without the distractions of my boys, and the myriad temptations of home. I have a lot of work to get done. This is one of those make or break it opportunities. I still haven't worked out internet access at my office, but I'm working on it. In any case, I think this office will be a great boon to my productivity, and will help me separate my work from my home life.

Yesterday was one of those short-lived celebrations however. I rode my bike over in the morning, and plugged away on one of these conference abstracts. I finished it before noon, and headed to the Trader Joe's (right next door to my building!) to get some lunch. There I received a desperate call from the au pair. Apparently, the Painter was having one of those days, and she was at her wit's end. I told her to pack the boys in the van, and come get me. This is the first time this has happened, so I'll forgive her the occasion. I spent the rest of the taking care of the boys, and having a good time, giving her a break to recover.

This morning, I worked (at home) on a job application, since I haven't brought the printer to the office yet, and because I was using the internet. I packed up my large file cabinet, and toted that over to the office in the afternoon, where I spent only a couple hours setting things up and reading, before heading back home (since I had promised the Painter that I would bring him to swimming lessons myself today). The au pair has agreed to give me back a half day tomorrow, so I'll get about four hours there then.

I should sleep now. Once I get internet all worked out, I hope to be back to regular postings again. Looking forward.

Difficulty concentrating

Sometimes the closer I get, the more I fear an end. The primary task for today is drafting up the abstract for this [Field 1 & Field 2 conference] in the UK next Spring. The paper I have in mind is a methodological one, arguing for a return of sorts to an older methodology, while exploiting today's technologies.

I've got 300 words to make a case for a radical shift in thinking (or rather, the inclusion of a methodology which has been somewhat out of favor since the 1950s). I wish to appeal to historical arguments and the authority of well-respected (though perhaps out of the mainstream) contemporary researchers in a variety of fields, citing their appeals to the authority of well-respected scholars from a century ago, all in an effort to justify the approach to research which I wish to spend my career focusing on.

I do not lack faith in the strength of my arguments. I truly believe that this approach to the subject is both necessary and complementary to existing approaches. But I fear that my arguments will be seen as wanting, that the abstract will not be accepted, that I will remain in this post-doctoral limbo, unable to give voice to the work which lies bubbling up underneath my surface.

A few weeks ago, I wrote here that I was making some pickles. I sealed them in jars, along with their brine and spices. Last week, when I opened them up, the chemical reaction was quite a treat to watch, each jar overflowing with bubbles, finally released. The eruptions lasted for minutes. Amazing. I feel like a jar of brine pickles, lid securely fastened, waiting, like a genie in a lamp, for that little nudge to release my promise, to spew forth the fruits of my labors.

Perhaps the dissertation was the last eruption, somewhat subdued, long in preparation, but short-lived in the end. I mull and steep, knowing the forces within, but wondering if the jar will be unsealed while they still simmer, or if the organic chemistry will lose its force, mysteriously fizzling out when that time comes.

One more down

Knocked off the job application today, for the Canadian post with a Wednesday deadline. Submitted via email. Haven't heard back from Tasse Plein since the conference, so I have no idea when or if he'll be sending the requested recommendation letters. I don't like to do this generally but I asked that his file letter (which is now more than a year old) be sent along with the other two (which have just been updated in the past month) from my doctoral institution dossier. They charge $5 per application, which isn't much, but adds up over time. In any case, they may likely end up with two letters from Tasse, but that beats the alternative of them receiving only two, and putting my application aside for lack of completeness. Since the deadline was so short, as it is they'll be receiving the letters a week or so after my cover letter and CV. The deadline isn't hard and fast, as it's posted as "or until filled". But I wanted to at least get them my materials ASAP.

I took some of BPG's advice. I broke out three paragraphs from my cover letter, and created a free-standing add-on to my CV called "Current Research Projects & Teaching Interests". As the latter part of that title suggests, I added a fourth paragraph on my teaching interests which begins:

While research is central to the work I do, so is teaching. I believe the two are complementary enterprises, enriching and strengthening each other. As a scholar, I find teaching demands I keep practical matters and relevance in the forefront of my inquiries. As a teacher, research provides me incomparable opportunities to test my own and other's theories, and to enliven my lectures with points of immediate and direct comparison to sometimes remote topics under discussion. Courses I am prepared to teach include:...

I'm doing all I can, that's about all I can say. I can't make myself any less of a researcher. It's too much of my identity. But I can work hard to allay any concerns committee's might have regarding whether I'm a good or enthusiastic teacher as well. All I need is a few more open doors. I blew it the past couple years. I've had a total of four calls, resulting in two campus interviews. But I didn't make the cut after those campus visits. The first one was real close I know, as I think I've blogged before, since at least two of my recommenders spent about an hour each on the phone with the committee after my visit. But, as the old saying goes: almost only counts in horseshoes and hand-grenades.

One thing that Big Presence Guy asked at the conference was whether or not I had been short-listed anywhere. Yes, I have. Well, that's a good sign. That's the rubric that tells you someone is hireable. That's a good thing for me to keep in mind. I'm not sure of the corollary though. If you haven't been shortlisted, does that necessarily mean you won't make the cut? It seems so arbitrary at times. But, for those of us grasping for straws... any stray blade of grass for hope will do.

I'm feeling pretty good about this job season right now. There are quite a few postings that are more up my alley than last year seemed to offer. In any case, I'm committed to at least one more season of applications. I'm trying to find that right tone, the right voice to speak for me in that silent shuffle of papers that cross a committee member's desk.

But I'm not holding my breath. As of tomorrow or Wednesday, I'll have that office of my own. Discovered today however that setting up internet would cost me quite a bit more than I had bargained for (twice what I had been quoted last week, before signing a lease). Too much for my blood at this moment. I'll hope that someone in the building has an unsecured wireless, or that I can find a T-Mobile Hotspot somewhere near by. Worst case, I'll just get used to getting my internet fix at home in the mornings before heading out, or in the afternoons after returning. I'm excited about the prospects, even though I'm not yet sure how I'll use the office. One thing's for certain, I've got a darn good reason to become more productive, and I plan to use it.

Bane with an antidote

Remember my "bane of the interdisciplinary" post a couple months ago? Here's the update:

Dear Articulate,

After one talk has been withdrawn, we are pleased to be able to offer you the free slot (20 min. talk + 10 min. discussion) at the [subfield] workshop to be held at the [Field 2 conference]. Could you please let us know whether you are willing to attend the workshop and present your paper?

If you have any questions, please do not hesitate to contact us.

With kind regards,

The Organizers

I've booked a flight, made hotel reservations, and sent confirmation of my planned attendance. I'm pretty psyched. I've presented for [Field 2] audiences before, but this is my first [Field 2] conference, and the subfield that is the focus of this conference is right up my research alley. What I will be presenting crosses the disciplinary boundaries, presents some of my dissertation work, some of my more recent work following up on that and pointing toward fruitful cross-disciplinary forays.

Today, I need to complete a job application for a Canadian university which sounds really promising. Next, I need to draft up an abstract (due by Friday) for a conference essentially on [Field 1 & Field 2 studies]! Yup, there's an upcoming conference that I really don't want to miss. I may have posted about it before. It's the first of two conferences I was contacted about by the organizers asking me to post their call on my PRW. Abstract deadline for the second is in a month. I've got about 10 more job applications to submit, and a guest lecture (~2.5 hours) to prepare before that one. Work is good. Having deadlines for presentations helps to motivate me.

And, I signed a 9-month lease this morning for an office space all my own. I insisted on no more than 9 months, so I'd be pretty much on the academic calendar. I should get the keys on tomorrow or Wednesday. They painted on Friday, and new carpeting will go in today or tomorrow. I'm going to get a small desk and chair, bring over a file cabinet and a small two-drawer chest from home, and probably buy a small bookcase as well. This should be good.

Some unveiling of the rules

At the conference last week, I ran into a fellow who looked just too familiar. I asked if he had been a graduate student at the university I completed my undergraduate studies. Sure enough, only he hadn't been the TA I thought he was. But he was there during my time there. He's a large man with a very large presence; the kind of person who walks into a room, and everyone notices. He exudes a welcoming and approachable air. We'll call him Big Presence Guy.

So, I approached him, and we talked. He must have asked something about my current status, which led to a discussion of the job search. He's now a tenured Associate Prof at a mid-sized school in the West. He seemed eager to play the role of mentor; and I was just as content to be the patient. He offered to look over my CV and cover letters and such, and give me his feedback. I welcomed the offer. He sent me an email last week, to be sure I had his contact info. I replied with a copy of my CV, a recent cover letter, and an invitation for him to visit my PRW (Personal Research Website).

Here is the bulk of his reply:

Articulate:

I've had a bit of time now to look over the material, and it is all very impressive. Really, I don't have too many "critiques", per se--you seem to have things covered very well. Just a couple of observations, which may reflect my own personal preferences quite as much as any objective perspective.

(1) The cover letter is very impressive, but I think that the detailed material describing your research interests, research activities, and areas of expertise might better be included in a "Summary of Research Interests" or something similar, as a single-sheet add-in to your CV. I typically will include a "Bio" page, separate from the collated CV; this "Summary" could be the same.

My rule of thumb is always to say (1) "in what situations and for what purposes by what persons will this application and its constituent parts be reviewed?" and (2) "what do those persons want to see clearly, immediately, readily, and conveniently?"

For me, this typically translates in the following dicta:

(a) Make sure each constituent element is clearly labeled in common parlance: if it's a cover letter, make it a single-page cover letter that begins "Dear [Selection Committee][Chair][Professor X]." If it's a "Summary of Research Interests," include a separate sheet, so labeled. Don't confuse the committee by making them wade through six dense paragraphs about your research when the primary function of the cover letter is simply to say "this is who I am and that is the post I am interested in." If you feel it is important to include detail about your research interests (and I would not say that was mistaken), include it in a separate constituent which can be put aside while they read other materials.

(b) Make sure each constituent element is handy, portable, and convenient. Visualize the situation in which the material will be reviewed: once (if you're lucky) by each individual committee member, sitting at her/his desk, skimming quickly through each constituent and mentally checking a list to make sure all portions are present; and a second time (if you're lucky) by the committee, seated together around a conference table, passing materials from hand-to-hand. You want to emphasize a physical format for your materials that facilitates and streamlines both these processes.

Typically, that means that items which are free-standing should be grouped together (obviously), and that, if possible, you should have more separate single-sheet items than large agglomerated items. Obviously, the CV will be multi-page (and stapled or clipped), but the cover letter, the "Brief Bio," and the "Summary of Research Interests" should, all, ideally, be brief, to the point, clearly labeled, separate, and single-sheet (or, if multi-sheet, stapled/clipped).

(2) The detail, scope, and rigor of your research is very impressive--but it is not (in most cases) the reason an institution will hire you. Typically, schools hire *senior* professors (already-tenured, associate or full rank) for their research profiles, and "junior" professors (adjunct, visiting, assistant) for (a) their ability to carry the requisite teaching load for the post and (b) their *promise* for future research. The typical committee will be much more interested in "can this person cover the load of the person departing, and perhaps bring some new/additional skills to the table?" rather than "does this person have the most impressive bibliography of work in her/his specialization?"

So I might suggest re-tailoring both your cover letter and the physical format of your CV to address what is, from an outside perspective, a comparatively small ratio of "meat & potatoes" [Field 1/subfield 1] courses to courses in your specialization [Field 2 & Interdisciplinary Field]. The committee wants to feel confident that you are (a) experienced and (b) skillful at teaching the core classes; that is what pays their credit hours and your salary.

If it happens that you don't have extensive experience at such meat & potatoes courses, do two things:

(a) address this directly in your cover letter, articulating that while you "realize that the CV shows relatively little work in mainstream course-teaching, [I] am very interested in teaching such topics and very ready to develop interesting, effective, and challenging syllabi on them", and

(b) get some experience doing it: community college, prep school, etc. 90% of the institutions in the world are not hiring research specialists: they are hiring team players who can handle mainstream courses while *also* pursuing interesting and marketable research (I know, it's not fair, but that in my observation is how it works).

(3) [PRW] is very impressive: clean, challenging, evidence of initiative and ongoing original research. I would consider two modifications in how you present the site in your application:

(a) Make more of an emphasis upon it in the physical application package. Put this, and a description of its significance, in your cover letter, in place of the lengthy research narrative. Point to it in your email .sig file, and encourage committee members (in the letter or in your email exchanges) to visit the site.

(b) You might consider building a separate html page on the site, specifically a "Welcome to Senior Faculty" or something similar, which provides a summary, statement of purpose, and explication of the significance both of your research and of the site's applicability. Point the committee to this summary page, rather than simply to the home page. Just visiting the site at its root home page does not really convey to a mainstream academic answers to what [Distinguished Professor in Field 1] calls the "so what?" and "who cares?" questions. I'm sure you have very articulate ways of answering those questions: put thoses responses in a special page and point committee members there first.

Please understand that I offer the above not because of major problems in the package--I don't see any such. But these observations may possibly help you step "outside" the materials a bit and consider the above small re-conceptualizations.

good luck.

BPG

Whirlwind update

The conference ended on Sunday. This week, I've had to deal with two car accidents (TWO!). Our car was hit by a passing SUV while parked outside our house, about a week ago, crushing the entire driver's side of the vehicle. Their insurance company has yet to respond to any of our inquiries, despite our sending numerous emails and voice mails to the party assigned as adjuster. Then, yesterday, our au pair hit another vehicle in a parking lot, while taking the Painter to swim lessons. [SIGH] But, you know what... these little things help put life in perspective. We've all got our health, a roof over our heads, and relative peace. The cars simply aren't that important.

Otherwise, I've been occupied with trying to shore up a lease for an office or studio for working outside the house. I'm still looking at different ones, as I've yet to sign anything, but I'm hoping tomorrow or Friday it will be done. And, I've sent off three job applications, prepared two others, and gotten started on four more. A-yup! I renewed my membership to the professional society that has most of the listings in my [Field 1], and discovered that more than a few had been slipping past my other resources. The Rocket Scientist and I spent a good part of Monday and Tuesday nights weeding through the postings, and checking on opportunities for her in those areas.

I realized, after talking with Tasse Plein that while I appreciate his advice, I've got to make decisions for my life, my career, and my family; decisions that at times would differ from the choices he might make. I will apply broadly, but not too broadly. I will let some opportunities pass me by, if they simply do not meet our requirements. There are a couple jobs I will be applying for, which would present some difficulties for our ideal situation, but which seem just too good for me to reject off the bat. But, for the most part, I'm only applying where I think there'd be a likelihood we could stay for at least 3-5 years, and hopefully more.

The job season is fully upon us. And I'm forging ahead.

A fable of interdiscipline

A forest lies beside a sea. The forest is filled with rich foliage, new growth and old, some burnt, from fires long since past, mushrooms and ferns grow in the leaf mold of the forest floor. Paths lead in all directions, some large and well-established, some tributaries, others marked simply by a bent twig, or a stray footprint on the ground.

The woods are inhabited by forest people, walking the paths, both large and small, established and newly formed. They pause to look up at the trees, or study the bark with magnifying glasses. Some bend down to turn up a bit of soil with a fork or trowel, gathering evidence in plastic bags for later examination; some study the roots of the trees, how they reach into the ground, or protrude above its surface. Some dwell in the middle of the forest, some by its edge. There are those who focus on old growth, and others who find fascination only in the sprouts and seedlings; still others who compare old to new.

Above the forest hover helicopters and small aircraft. On board are aerial photographers and mapmakers, looking at the forest and sea from above, noting their shape and changes in the landscape. Some observe the different colors and textures the forest growth makes, its density or gaps. They mark out the edges of the woods, marsh or field on one side, sea and shore on the other. Boats traverse the sea beside. Sailors and fishers inhabit the craft, working diligently at their tasks.

But where am I in this view? I used to walk among the forest people, stepping paths from large to small, turning soil, observing ferns and flowers, enjoying the leaves. But one day, I climbed a tree, and looked out toward the sea. The helicopters above distracted me, and I watched them hover, looking back below to see what they captured on film and paper. The sail boats were beautiful to me, crossing slowly back and forth, their sails calm or aflutter, as the winds would have them. I saw fish jump.

Then, I watched the birds who flew between the woods and the sea, up to the aircraft and down to the ground, capturing worms from the soil, and fish from the sea. How fascinating was their traveling. I climbed down and grabbed binoculars, to watch their passage more closely. I saw things from this vantage of the sea, that fishers and sailors have missed. Watching birds became a delight. I longed to meet the boat people. So I climbed down once again, and headed to the sea.

They welcomed me aboard their ships, though I was no expert at sailing or fishing. I watched and learned, gaining knowledge and insight into some aspects of their craft. In spare moments, I took out my binoculars, and watched the helicopters hover above, the trees in the distance, and the birds who flew freely between.

I've been on the aircraft too, watching the photographers and mappers engage in their tasks. I've learned bits from them, and gained facility in changing the film, or finding the right utensils and tools for the mapmakers to draw. I've looked through the lenses, even taken a few shots.

I am no expert in photography or map making. Nor am I a master sailor or fisher. I love to dwell in the woods, but find I'm more inclined to climb than to walk among the people on the ground. My tools differ from theirs. The birds are more often my guide, though they flit from one world to another. I am no ornithologist either, simply inspired by their movements.

And so, I wander back and forth, neither as good as any in their native domains. I am welcome among them all, though in ways an outsider everywhere... everywhere except when I climb the trees, or onboard a ship, or fly in the sky, peering through binoculars at the flights of the birds. I am comfortable being me in this way.

The trick is finding a way to make birdwatching through binoculars relevant to my friends in the woods, on the sea, in the air. That is the task at hand.

Clandestine conference posting

I'm sitting at the conference, in the lobby outside the exhibitor's hall. Little ups... mostly down. It's rather depressing for me to be here. There was one paper this morning (ONE!) that was interesting. I had a lot to say in the discussion section, felt that I had much to contribute. Three or four people sought me out after the session to talk about things. It was exciting to hear their interest, to take their questions, to give citations and resources. I was in my element.

But it was short-lived. I met Tasse Plein for some lunch and a talk. He says he'd hate to see me limit myself geographically or school-wise, still thinks I should apply more broadly, increase my odds. Forget the number of jobs you've applied for! We're not entitled to anything. You deserve better, sure. But, we've all got to work for what we get, nothing is handed to us. One of your best qualities is your energy, your drive, your ebullience. You don't want to lose that.

As hidden tears begged to be released, I sat stone-faced, afraid that I already have. I wasn't terribly inspired. It's not his fault. But I'm depressed, depressed, depressed. It's hard to keep up appearances. I see the name tags with schools where I've applied. And I turn away. I don't want to see their faces.

I don't want anything handed to me. But damn it, I've worked hard. I just want some acknowledgment of that effort, some recognition that it's all been worthwhile.

So, I sit here, in the lobby. One session this afternoon seemed moderately interesting to me. Maybe I'll pop in to hear the second half.

Apply to more jobs again? Apply to only a targeted few? Tasse reminds me that he doesn't know anyone graduated from the University of Paradise that has broken into top schools. It's not like that's all I'm applying to. Am I out of my league? No... it's not a question of that. But... well the students who went to the big name schools have an advantage. That's reality.

Why have I cut back on the number of schools to apply to? One, I failed to renew my membership to the professional society that has the most extensive listing of appointments, so perhaps I'm missing some. And I thought the advice of targeting the best prospects seemed wise. Looks like Tasse is urging me to step back a bit into the broadcast method. [SIGH] There just are no rules, no way of knowing which is best.

Why else? I'd really like to find a job in a geographic region where my wife can also pursue a career. The two-body problem. Tasse Plein commuted (by plane) for about 10 years earlier in his career (including all of his time in Paradise. Would you recommend that?It's a choice that each couple has to make. With young kids it's not easy.

Well, writing this out helps me feel a bit more settled with it all. Blogging is therapy. Now to putting on a good face, and back to mingling.

Some movements afoot

Sometimes when so much is happening in my life, it is difficult to sort it out enough to write about. And just now, I have little time. I'm heading to the rail station in about a half hour to head to a conference (SOD for those keeping track; yes, I did renew my membership, at least for another year).

I'm not presenting, but thought it would be beneficial to schmooze, rub shoulders, catch up with friends/colleagues.

Yesterday, I watched the boys full-time. The au pair was out of town for the day. It works out fine, since Friday, my usual day with the boys, I'll be at the conference.

Talked with Larry Strope on Tuesday. He had nixed the idea of my coming to visit, thinking it would be simpler to just talk on the phone. He was exceedingly enthusiastic, though he confessed he had no idea how the search would go. It was very encouraging however.

[I sit here listening to the LOUD laughter and giggles and playing of the boys and the au pair in the very next room (her bedroom) as I sit in the family room/office. Very distracting... we'll get to that below]

So, I'll be applying to Larry's center for the faculty post. That's one application sent (deadline was about a month ago, so the silence is not encouraging), and three more to send off in the next month. Two of them I've written about here recently: [Big West Coast Private University] and [Lake View University]. I need to follow up a little more on the other one, read up on their website, research faculty interests and such, call and talk with the chair perhaps, to ascertain just how promising that one really is.

Also, noticed that a school where I was shortlisted for a one-year post two years ago, has the post open now as a tenure-track gig. I haven't seen it posted on any job lists yet, but it appeared on the SOD conference website for interviews. We'll see.

And... I finally decided that I really want an office outside the house. I need to get more productive. I need to get away from the distractions, and I wish to separate my work time from my family time. I think my work will benefit and my relationships with my family will benefit from the separation. The boys will know when I'm around, I'm fair game to play with them. When I'm working, I'll be elsewhere. Also, knowing that I'm spending family money for an office will give me added incentive to make my time there as productive as possible.

I've looked at three offices. All a bit more than I wanted to spend, but all within what we can afford. In fact, because our housing costs are lower here, we'd still be spending less than we did in Paradise even if I took the more expensive of them. Hopefully, I'll have that all worked out by next week.

Meantime, I need to pack up my things and head to the train.

Three deaths

My father taught me years ago to read as if the author intended me as audience, to heed their lessons as if they were teaching me, to embrace them as my friends.

Three of my dear friends, this week, passed away:

William Bright, linguist
Clifford Geertz, anthropologist
William Styron, novelist

May they rest in peace!

Cheaters vs. children

[Parenting post follows]

Frustrating week. Fridays is my day with the boys. I wanted to take them to a large and glorious local botanic gardens. $15 entrance fee for adults (children are free). Decided that I'd like to get a membership. I've found that family memberships for zoos, botanic gardens, science centers, children's museums, are well worth the cost, as they encourage regular visits, and the children enjoy them.

Thing is, we've got an au pair. It's our choice. I prefer having a dedicated caregiver for the boys when we're not watching them, I like the idea of international exchange. But, see, it would seem most of these memberships cover only two adults, and their children. In Paradise, the zoo had a nifty little add-on feature for family memberships to accommodate just this scenario, an extra person who could take the children in the absence of the parents. It was something like an extra $15 or $20 added on to the cost of the membership. GREAT!

But here in Rocket City every place we go they throw up road blocks. I'm sorry, you can only have two adults on the membership. You see... they add in a hushed confidential tone, some people would take advantage of it. They'd try to service two households.

Oh... I think you mean, like, mothers or fathers from separate families couldn't possible claim to be a couple, put their names on the membership cards, and bring their separate children whenever they liked. What a stupid idea!

The people who suffer most by such short-sighted membership policies, and inflexibility, are the children who would otherwise be exposed to a great deal more of what the world has to offer. I bought the $100 basic family membership to the botanic gardens, only to be told that (although they'd make a one-time exception for me) the basic membership doesn't allow "early entry" into the gardens. You have to get the $300 membership if you wish to enter BEFORE NOON! Oh... and the "children's garden" and the buildings with exhibits are all closed until after noon as well. [SIGH].

This means for some memberships, we need to give the au pair one of the membership cards, and have her pretend to be my wife when she goes alone with the boys, and hope they don't require identification. Or, we could simply list me and the au pair as the members, but then, my wife could never take the boys without one of us. Is there really a benefit to forcing families like ours to buy two memberships, if we wish to remain honest?

Dissertation-to-book proposal (draft) complete

Done, done, done! I had written to Tasse Plein last week to elicit his long overdue (but promised) commentary on my dissertation. His remark at the time, after signing off on it, was that he'd have some suggestions for revision should I ever wish to publish it. In that email, I wrote: "If you have specific comments, requests, cautions, or what have you, now would be the time to articulate them." His response was to request a look at my proposal. I sent it to him this morning.

Now, what to do? I've got cleaning, unpacking, and organizing. I want to do some more reading about literary agents for my more commercial book projects. I've got a backlog of articles to read for my longitudinal project, and I've got to start recruiting volunteers for that and gathering data.

In all, I'm feeling good about my work again, motivated, dedicated.

Almost finished

Exhausting. This book proposal is. I think I take a 20 minute break every hour. But I'm almost done. All that remains is my market analysis, then a final editing. I guess this is where it all comes together, where I make explicit the audience for whom I'm writing (as much for my own clarification as for their sakes). What kind of market is there for a book like this? I'm pleased with the changes I've proposed to the content of my dissertation (at least in outline form). This would be work for me, but fun and interesting work, taking the foundation of my dissertation, and the seeds I sowed in my dissertation distillation article, combined with some of my current work, and a sprinkling of work I've written grant applications for. I like the project. Let's hope it gets accepted.

Oh so many things

Hi Larry,

It's been nearly a year since we last wrote. I see now there is an open position in [subfield 1] in the [Field 1] department at Big West Private (in addition to the post at [your center]). I am, as you might have guessed, quite interested, especially if it might permit collaborations with your group.

Do you know anything about the post? Is it a replacement for someone who has retired, or is it entirely new? Are they targeting particular curricular needs, specific courses? Let me know what you can.

Best,
Articulate

Larry Strope is a professor in [Field 1], and director of a research center, at a big west coast private school. He also happens to be the son of Harry Strope, the member of my dissertation committee whom I've mentioned before. We had been in touch before when I had applied for a post-doc at his school last year.

Hi Articulate,

It's great to hear about your interest. We have the one opening in [subfield 1] and are short at least 3 or so faculty after retirements, etc.

I don't have the answers. Usually, we search pretty widely. I'm cc'ing Jasmine Lear so you can be in touch with the committee directly for better information.

Best of luck to you -- it would be great to see work like yours become part of the fabric here. And if you think the [Research Center] post fits better, let me know how that angle suits you.

Yours,
Larry

And, I spoke today for about 20 minutes or so, with a professor at [Lake View U.], the one who served on a panel I organized a conference a couple years back, and who has been quite open and supportive in the past. Let's call him Joe Krowicki. He was the other departmental contact whom I wrote to about the post. He had written back with him home number for me to call and talk.

It was a good conversation, open, honest. This is someone I could trust, a good colleague. In the end, it sounds like there may in fact be two positions open or opening. Joe happens to be chairing the search committee, and weakened the blow a bit from the email I had received from his colleague, saying that yes, they are looking for someone who could teach courses in [subfield 2], but he indicated the specific courses would likely depend on the individual. He spoke as if not to discourage me from applying. He also indicated that, should the second post open up, they'd certainly have more flexibility.

He volunteered quite a bit of information, and was willing to discuss what might be sensitive areas (like for instance why a colleague of ours had failed to get tenure, and had taken a post elsewhere). We also discussed the two-body problem a bit. It's refreshing to talk and listen without minced words.

It's a tough call. LVU is near the Rocket Scientist's family, but the area offers her little in the way of her specialization. LVU would be a great place for me to work. I guess I apply, and we make the decisions when we have them to make. I told Joe that it sounded like I should send them my stuff, that I won't hold my breath, but if there's a job for me to fill at LVU, I'd be delighted to fill it.

As for BWP... that's another one I'll be applying for. There's one more definite after that, and two or three maybes that I still need to research. That makes one down, three to go, then we'll see from there.

Existential Crisis 2.0

First, a little domestic tranquility. What have I been doing with my spare time of late? Yesterday I started a batch of sauerkraut. It's amazingly easy. Basically, you shred up cabbage, and add salt. Uh... yeah, that's about it. Then you have to weight it down a bit to squeeze out the liquid, which combines with the salt to make a brine, and you check it every day or so, to skim off the... well, the stuff that grows on top. After about three weeks, you've got the most delicious tasting sauerkraut you can imagine.

And today... I started four quart jars of kosher garlic-dill pickles. Yum. This is my first time (uh... this decade) making pickles. I'll let you know how they turn out. But I'm pretty optimistic. So, call me weird... well, to be honest, call me Ashkenazi. It's tradition, you know.

These little things bring me great pleasure. There's something about being self-sufficient to an extent, or as Emerson put it self-reliant. I remember a lesson my step-father (er... ex-step-father) taught me years ago. He's a writer, cum college professor of writing. Back then, my folks had an old row house in Baltimore (three stories tall) with a gorgeous old oak banister. Only... it had been painted over, numerous times. For perhaps two years, it was a work-in-progress, being stripped, and stained.

Stepdad's remark was, you know, I realized somewhere along the line that I wanted to be a writer, not a home repairman. It made me rethink my self-reliant posture. But, I've come back to it of late. There is something truly rewarding about doing it yourself, satisfying in a way that paying someone else just can't touch.

And, I like our new home (even if we don't own it). I like it more than our old place in Paradise. I'm enjoying the kitchen, and looking forward to the garden that I will create. I keep thinking about eating out, then opt to cook something at home. That's a good sign.

This afternoon, while driving back from the greengrocer's (where I bought the kirbies for pickling), I got a callback from the national sales manager for Big Academic Publisher. I said that I had called him mainly just to get a better sense of how things stand. His response was essentially: management has decided to keep the post open a bit longer, until January, to expand the pool of candidates. As I interpret it: "we're hoping something better will come along, but we'll keep you in mind."

I kept talking, and listening, however. I was frank in my apprehension, but also clear in my confidence that were it something I chose to do, I'd have utmost confidence in my ability to hone up on the needed knowledge and experience.He clarified a bit that I remain a strong candidate for the post, but that I lack the sales experience in publishing, and that with their present small pool of candidates, they're uncomfortable making a choice.

Like the color of my skin or my gender, there are things I have no control over. I can't fabricate experience I don't have. My question for you is what can I do in the present to allay your concerns? In the end, he suggested that I come to an upcoming conference in the area, where he himself will be representing the firm, so I can get a better sense of that aspect of the job, and so we might be able to meet face to face.

Alright. I could do this. Selling textbooks, while not my first pick in careers, would at least maintain me in education, and wouldn't feel like selling my soul, since we all use textbooks. It's just a matter of which ones. Assuming I do show up at this conference, I'd think my persistence would likely impress them, perhaps enough to garner me an offer. Who knows? But the question remains, what do I want? I keep thinking of my 5-10 year goals. Those remain. How do I get there from here?

I never thought I'd be one to say this, having lived much of my life below the poverty line, but not needing the money, in some ways, is harder than needing it. (At least, it's harder in terms of the present questions I deal with. Trust me, I don't advocate poverty as a lifestyle choice--though, come to think of it, I'm sure there's some researcher out there convinced of finding the poverty gene some day, just to prove it's not a choice after all.) We live comfortably. If my wife retained her career, and I made not a dime for the rest of my life, we might not be able to buy a house again any time soon, but we'd not go hungry or homeless.

In terms of getting a job, I don't really need one. So, what is driving me to it? To some extent, it is the money. In our society, money is the ubiquitous form of applause. I want the validation that comes with someone paying me to be me. Of course, in a way, my wife does that. I cook, she buys the groceries. I'm not materialistic enough to think that's all there is, but neither am I so un-self-aware to think it's irrelevant. With a second income, we'd have that much more to save, or spend, or donate, as we saw fit.

As Pooh would say: Think think think. What do I want? How will what I do today get me closer to that plan for 5-10 years from now? I'll work on it. Monday, it's back to the dissertation-to-book proposal. I'll have to make some decisions about conference abstracts after that. I'll need to decide whether or not to attend this regional conference to meet the national sales manager and whatnot. One thing at a time.

Can I say it again?

Correlation does not constitute causation. This morning, I was greeted with the following article on IHE: Want to Get Ahead? Get Hitched. Why is it that journalists (or, gasp, researchers!) insist on making broad sweeping statements of causality, based on mere correlation? This reminds me of a classic article I read years ago (I'm talking late 70s, perhaps early 80s) in one New York city newspaper which proclaimed: "Calculators Cause Pregnancy!" As I recall it, it was an hilarious lampoon of just this sort of gee willacres, did you ever notice that traffic lights cause accidents?

It's a very pervasive thing, however, and distorts so much of our education, especially of science. No wonder so many people are confused about evolution. No... unless we stipulate an ultimate cause or shall I say Causer we simply can not say things like "ladybugs secrete a foul-tasting liquid through their legs in order to make themselves distasteful to predators". Sorry, that's stipulation, not science. Fine if you believe it, but it's still not science. Let's try: "Interestingly, ladybugs secrete a foul-tasting liquid through their legs, which evidence suggests has had a dampening effect on the desires of predators, likely aiding ladybugs in the goal of species survival."

Sheesh! Again, for the record: Correlation does not constitute Causation.

Trudging through it

"I'm hoping to finish this book proposal today..." [SIGH] Sometimes my optimistic expectations astound even me. Suffice it to say, it ain't done yet. I'm trudging through it. What an exhausting process this is. They ask for so much in the proposal (Statement of aims and rationale for the project; 300-word overall abstract; chapter outline with 500-word chapter abstracts; biographical sketch with "concise CV"; assessment of likely competition and description of the target audience, etc.), then write with sadistic glee that "the proposal should therefore extend to between 2-5 pages".

2-5 Pages!?! In what, 6-point font? That's like asking someone to lecture on the major events regarding Civil Rights in America, from 1933-1968, paying particular heed to the role of women, pointing out areas of convergence and conflict between African, Latino, and Asian populations, making mention of literature, music, and art as protest expressions, and doing this all in 25 minutes, allowing time for questions.

But it's not for me to complain. I want to do this, do it well, get it accepted, then move on. I'm planning some major overhauling of the dissertation, far beyond what I did in the dissertation distillation article: the addition of historical and biographical notes and sketches, to fill in more of the story; and the inclusion of a great deal more translations from original source materials that have never appeared in, let us say, any major world language. That and editing, revising, and reorganizing. All of this, of course, makes a chapter synopsis somewhat more complicated an endeavor than I imagined at first. Better to do it now, however, so I have a to-do list once it's accepted.

Hats off to those of you with book contracts under you belt. Wish me luck.

Beginning to settle

It's been a rough few days, up/down/up/down. The mornings are mostly good. Somehow, when my wife begins to tell me about the young turks at work, fresh out of school with a bachelor's degree, it hits me hard.

But, truth be told, I am where I want to be (except for wishing I had already found that ideal job). I'm not (over)working a post somewhere, teaching classes that don't appeal to me, losing time to meetings and administrivia, that I'd rather spend on reading and research. For that I can be thankful.

The trick is doing what I want to be doing. I've been working on this dissertation-to-book proposal this week. Well, that and getting things set up. Internet at home went online yesterday. Yay! We're planning to vacate the hotel room this weekend. I can't really see keeping it just for the sake of it. I'm comfortable at home, even if a bit more distracted.

I'm hoping to finish this book proposal today, and unpack a few more boxes, set up a few more details of home life (for instance, getting the chimney inspected, so we can finally have a wood fire... ah!). Next week, I'm going to work on some agent contacts regarding my more commercial book ideas (a few children's books: two already written; and a memoir/collection of my dad's poetry/letters between father and son; I also have planned a parents' guide on childhood cognitive development that comes from my research, which I'd like to move ahead with).

I spoke briefly with the regional sales manager for Big Academic Publisher. It's been about a month since I last heard from her, so I thought I'd follow up. "We've kind of put that position on hold for the moment. We're in the heat of conference season. You're definitely still a candidate though. Feel free to check in with me whenever." I had already sent her a couple emails, keeping her informed of my move schedule and interim contact information, to which she hadn't responded, so I can't take that last comment too seriously.

That's real useful: you're definitely still a candidate. It's like the dog turd on the sidewalk that you keep meaning to clean up, but haven't gotten to yet. I think I'll call the national sales manager I interviewed with as well, just to touch base, and see if I can get a better feel for what to expect, what may or may not be in the works, and what their time frame is looking like now. Otherwise, I'll put that possibility to the back of my mind. Not even sure I'll take it, if offered, but I don't like loose strands dangling.

I called the [Field 1] department chair of a local community college, which has a full-time position advertised. The posting was somewhat vague. He clarified it on the phone, and it looks like it would be inappropriate for me. And it's a 5+5 teaching load, ~15 hours of classroom teaching per term. Youch! But, he said he was intrigued by my background and interests, and suggested they might likely have use for me to cover some part-time teaching. I sent him my CV. That'd be nice to pick up some adjuncting. Get me back in front of a classroom! I'm missing it.

Meanwhile, I'm looking over job postings as they come up. My wife and I did a bit of researching on the internet to see which of the current postings that interest me might provide local opportunities for her career as well. We ruled out a few. So far this year, I've applied for one. There remain five more between now and January, that I plan to follow up on. This year, I plan to make phone calls or send emails before applying to any post, to feel out the prospects, and get as good a sense as I can for what they are really seeking. My job as I see it, is to weed out as many weak prospects before applying as I can, which hopefully will make the few I apply for that much stronger.

I mentioned the new post at [Lake View U.]. Yesterday, I wrote to two of my contacts there. I heard back from the first. He was my main contact there when I was applying to their doctoral program. I had known him from SII conferences before then, and have kept in touch since.

Hi Articulate,

We have the [true interdisciplinary field-related workshop] here in the next couple of days so I am up to my eyebrows in details.

I'm glad to talk after that. My clear understanding is that my dean is ONLY interested at this point in folks who are from a [subfield 2] background, so I'm not sure you fit her paradigm. We are talking [details of the sorts of courses], that kind of stuff. Let's talk sometime next week when the dust clears.

Best,

Rod

That confirms my suspicions. Too bad. But it's good to keep up my contacts with them. At present, there are only three universities in The States with programs in [true interdisciplinary subfield], so it's a tight bunch, and it serves me to stay in the loop. In all honesty though, while I'd love a post there, the prospects for my wife's career in the region are slim-to-none unless she moves to a different sort of work, which doesn't seem likely at the moment.

Aesop's fables for an academic

I think of the Tortoise and the Hare. Last night, as my wife was preparing and worrying about today's start of her new job, I said that as much as I hate to admit it, she sometimes intimidates me. Sorry, she said, I don't mean to intimidate you. I explained it's not so much her as her success; that I feel like the hare in the race. Me, with all my ambition, and ideas, and drive, and confidence; she with laissez faire patience. Almost despite ourselves, our careers have recently taken unexpected turns. Slow and steady wins the race.

We were talking Saturday night over dinner (after the boys had gone to bed--sometimes you just have to eat late to have time to talk). I was mulling over my present difficulties with the question: So... what do you do? I asked, So... what do you do? just to see how she might couch it. She replied. Pretty impressive really, and I told her so. She does interesting, important work. That's really pretty neat, I said.

And what do I do? There's the question. I have a PhD in... No, that's not what I do. That's just a thing... a thing I have, a thing I've done. But, it's done already. Should I submit a formal proposal for turning my dissertation into a book? I've been thinking about what I'd do to change it. I probably should. It could be done inside a year, without preventing me from other activities, I'd think. I'll work that proposal up in the next couple weeks. Still settling into everything right now. But I'll find the time. I'm not sure where it will get me. A little academic capital. Not sure where or how I can spend it, unless it helps me get a faculty post, or gives me a leg up on tenure.

What do I do? I research... Do I? Not much lately really. Is that what I want? Is that what I want to do? If so, I need to get back to it. These are the questions. I can't say... I won't say I'm an unemployed college professor. What does that mean? I'm a teacher. Not for a few years now.

What do I do? I'm a father of two wonderful sons. I give talks, and freelance. I write. I work in [Field 1] and [Field 2] studies. Yeah. I really do. Hmm. So many projects. So many directions. Which path to choose... today?

Last night, my wife continued: You have so many wonderful ideas. This has been a hard year for you. I've kept wishing that I could do something about it.

I smiled gently, Yes, but apples in a basket rot for want of a nickel.

You could always start lobbing them at people. If you won't buy my apples, then take that!

Good idea, maybe, huh?

I think you really should write up those new children's book ideas; and try to get a publisher for the ones you've already written; and publish your dad's poetry. It'd be a good break for you, without so much pressure.

Maybe. Maybe. What do I do? See... many people wouldn't even ask that question, wouldn't worry over it. Who are you? Now that's a question people like. But, for me, my career really is important. Not necessarily in the traditional sense. I'm not a career man. But what I do is a major marker of my identity. Life is work.

My mother recounts the tale of me at 3 or 4, attending a Montessouri school in New York City. The big kids went upstairs, while us youngsters remained downstairs. What did they do up there?, I always wondered. Downstairs, I was bored, terribly bored, with the little games they would play, the mind-numbingly simple tasks they would have us do, as if they were challenging.

What's wrong, honey, why are you crying? my parents asked one day as we headed home.

All they do all day long is play play play... and I want to work work work I blustered.

So my mom made me up a Very Important Work Box filled with 1st and 2nd grade readers and math books, so I could get started on that very imporant life work I was going to do. I was happy. I was content. At 10, I took a paper route, getting up at 5:00 to spend an hour tossing papers into yards (or as often as not, falling asleep on my stack of papers, until my mom discovered me there, and taking pity on me, drove me through my rounds). At 11, I was working after school at a barbeque restaurant, carrying in firewood, dicing vegetables for the salad bar. I've never spent so long in my life without a hitching post, either school or a job, and if not a job, then I ran my own business.

This has been the hardest year of my life. I achieved a great, long dream of being a father. Now, two wonderful, challenging, frustrating, delightful boys. I reached a pinnacle with the PhD. Dr. Dad, me. But that wall stares me in the eyes. I feel boxed in. Where do I go from here? Ah, yes, that basket full of apples. I need to start lobbing.

There's a new post at [Lake View U.]. I've written about them before. It was my top pick for graduate school, but they didn't take me. I've applied there for three or four posts. The new posting is in my true subfield within [Field 1], but listed as part of [subfield 2]

Preferred: Candidates able to teach a range of courses in [subfield 2] and whose research interests include [true subfield].

Hmmmph. To be honest, I'm not sure it's a post for me. I'll write to my contacts on the faculty in that program to get a better sense. It'd be close to my inlaws. My wife would like that. But then, there's not really any work for my wife in her area of expertise and interest in that area.

Be a professor? I'm not sure. Oh, I'll apply... for a few jobs. But you never know... maybe them grapes is sour after all.

Transition

I'm blogging from the hotel, but all our stuff is moved into the new house. Most things are unpacked, but there's a heck of a lot of sorting and organizing and rearranging to do. We still have to set up our trash pickup; better do that soon, before our can is full. Need to arrange some sort of internet at home as well. And a phone. But our fridge arrived today, and the stove works fine. We tested it with a frozen pizza.

It's a weird feeling being here. I feel up and down. I like our new home. I'm excited about the new city, and surroundings, about seeking new contacts, and developing the ones I've made. I feel like this is the beginning of something big. I'm just not sure where it will lead. It may be this is the year my patience (I try!) and perseverance pay off, when I finally get a faculty post I'll love. But it just as likely may be the year I decide to hang up those dreams, and strike out in different directions. I'm ambivalent in a way, which is very odd for me. Perhaps it's just the change hitting me at once. Maybe the next couple weeks will iron it all out.

I expect to blog lightly for a while, as I have been the past couple weeks, especially since I don't have internet at home yet, and I'm not sure how much or how long I'll be using the hotel room. Now it's late. I came to get our toiletries, and couple stuffed animals for the boys, then back... home.

Articulate Dad... out.

Ethical considerations

Lately, it's been as if I am undergoing a test of ethical conduct. Here is how it began:

A couple months ago, I deposited a $50 check in an ATM machine at my bank. After swallowing the check, I received the message that the ATM machine was temporarily unable to process deposits. Gee. Thanks. The deposit didn't show up online. I called them to see what could be done. They said they'd look into it. A few days later, I happened to pass by the very branch with the faulty ATM machine, and figured I could just stop in, to check up on things, since they'd likely have opened up the machine to discover the physical copy of the deposited check, even if the machine was unable to register it. I explained that I had already called about it. No, they didn't have any record of the transaction, since the ATM machines are emptied into a bag, and taken by courier somewhere else for processing. A couple weeks later, I received two credits of $50 to my account, in conclusion of their investigation. You know the old Monopoly card Bank error in your favor. Collect $200.

Then, for our 9th wedding anniversary, we decided to order ourselves a new stereo. Being frugal folks with a bent for high quality audio, we went shopping for a top end refurbished item. Sure enough, we ordered ourselves a really nice receiver for just over $300. It was running a little long in coming, so I called to check on status. The online system showed it as "in preparation" with "unknown" delivery date for more than a week. They took my contact info and promised to call me back within 48 hours. It arrived the next day. I received a call back anyhow, and they assured me the unit was on its way and would be expected in the next couple days. It arrived yesterday. Thanks.

About a week and a half later, while we were on our house hunting trip, a second receiver (exactly like the first) was left on our porch for us to discover on our return. We contemplated it for a few days, then I called them up to explain the mishap, and offered to return the extra unit. Thank you very much. I'm taking notes on this. Please use the return label. Most people wouldn't do this. The next day, I set up a pick up with FedEx, to return it.

Today, I received an email:

We have received and processed your refund request. The charge for
the following item has been credited to your account: ...

Sheesh. How hard do you have to work to give something back that doesn't belong to you?

Now, finally, I'm faced with this: when my wife was negotiating with Rocket Central, as regular readers may recall, we inquired as to the possibilities for spousal assistance, to help me land affiliation with their administering institution, or to grant me some start up funding for my research. Nothing doing, they said. We don't offer any sort of spousal assistance.

Nothing for the spouse, but they are okay with providing the entire family up to 45 days of temporary housing, (at a rate of nearly $250 a night!). For those of you following along at home, that comes out to a grand total somewhere north of $10k. WOW! That'd been a nice start up pot. We're in the temporary lodging now, which they've reserved for us for 45 days, even though my wife indicated we'd likely be moving out in less than a week, once everything was delivered, and unpacked, and we'd gotten our appliances set up (believe it or not, we have to buy our own refrigerator, and washer and dryer, since they don't come with the place). Just check out when you're done.

Okay, we've signed our lease and gotten the keys; the movers deliver tomorrow. But... I could sure use an office for a month to get going, now, couldn't I? Of course, $10k could get me a rather posh space for a year or two, I'd imagine. But hey, we don't write the rules. Is it unethical of me to suggest to my wife that, hey, if they'll cover the temp lodging, what's to stop us from keeping it for a month instead of a week, for me to use as an office outside the house, as I get set up in town, and look around for an office of my own? Internets, what do you think?

Many lives lived

My life has been at times a series of episodes, disjunct, remote. Several times in my life my circumstances and motivations have varied enough that it has seemed one life ended, and new one began.

As I embark to leave Paradise likely for the last time, to cut the umbilical cord that ties me to my doctoral institution, to head to a new city, I wonder if this present won't prove to be a border that marks yet another life lived, the end of the old, the start of a new.

I long for the certainty of being on a stable path, of knowing the results to my inquiries. When I ran a landscaping business, I took pleasure in knowing I had recievables yet to come in. Even deliquent accounts brought me some degree of satisfaction, since I expected funds to come in. In ways, awaiting news from article submissions or grant applications is not that different, but the outcomes are less assured.

I've grown weary of the chase. Perhaps the satisfaction I took from a horde of receivables was in direct proportion to my anticipation that they would soon move to the paid column. I need some rabbits in my traps, some berries in my basket, some roots in the cellar. I grow ravenous in waiting. A new life perhaps, with a full stomach to boot.

The next few days

We're sorting and purging. There's a large pile of items we've decided to donate. But we're still going through things. The packers come on Monday, and the loaders fill the truck on Tuesday. It is nice to have others take care of those tasks, but there are ways in which having others move for you is not quite the boon it would otherwise seem. We're trying to take the opportunity of a move to downsize anyhow. The two of us are allergic to waste, which makes it difficult to rid ourselves of otherwise useful items, despite the fact that they've been of no use to us for years.

In any case, it hasn't quite settled in that we're really leaving, that this house for instance will cease to be our home in just a few days. I think I'm looking forward to the change... but I'm not really sure how much of a change it will be, how much it will impact my life, other than finding new places to shop and eat. Energy. That's what I'm really seeking now. Get moved. Get settled. Get going.

It will be a busy few weeks coming up. I've got several conference abstracts to work up, a book proposal to draft, a guest lecture to prepare, and more job applications to attend to. There are two interesting University posts with December deadlines, and a very close full-time tenure-track community college position with a November deadline. More articles to work up and send off. And I am committed to starting data gathering for my [Longitudinal Project] just as soon as I can. There are so many things I could be moving ahead on, if I can only find the energy to pursue them, damn the job market and limbo-induced depression.

Energy, energy! That's all I need.

Final Harvest

Here is the final harvest from my garden. The plants have been stripped, and ripped from the ground. The rebar and chicken wire, the boards (acting as retaining walls), and the stakes have been removed. I expect to buy some grass seed tomorrow, and a bit of hay to serve as shade and cover for the seedlings until they take. Sad to see it go. There will be a new garden for me, I'm sure.

I'm not quite sure where it will be just now. I got the lease for our new place via email, and noted the glaring addendum absolutely no pets. Too bad, I think, they'll either relent or lose us as tenants. We've had cats for over eight years now, longer than we've had children. With us, they will remain. This part of the country, and here alone in my experience (regular readers know how many places I've lived!), security deposits can run the equivalent of two months' (exorbitant) rent or more. Perhaps that was reasonable when rents were lower, but today I'd have to break all the windows, knock down a wall, and set the floor on fire to justify it. Let's put it this way, their security deposit is more than I've ever grossed a month in my life! So, no, if they ask, I'm not willing to grant them an additional pet deposit. We only looked at places which did not prohibit pets in their ads. I think we've got a good chance they won't want to back out now... but the ball's in their court. I'll call the owner in a little while, once I calm down.

The good thing is the move package provides up to 45 days temporary housing. At least we won't go homeless anytime soon. So, we don't need to be desperate. There are options. If not here, and not now, then somewhere, and soon.

**Updated to add:
Good news. We won't be homeless at all. I talked to the son of the owner, who is managing the property, to say we had cats. You have two? Um, no. We have three. The momma cat, and two of her kittens, who are now about eight years old. She's about ten. I'll have to discuss it with my mom. It's her decision. Apparently, she's 82, dependent on the income from the property for her living, and recently had a bad experience with the previous tenants who had dogs. (They were ten year residents, so it's hard to imagine it was such a bad experience!) In any case, the son and daughter-in-law are managing the property, and both seemed to be taken by me, at least convinced by me that they'd be better off sticking with us than starting over. This experience only reinforces my belief that once someone has committed to something, they are loath to reconsider. Good to remember when negotiating a job contract (some day), that you are the best they've got, so you might as well get what you can.

The daughter-in-law called me this evening to say that they told the owner "which is true, that you have one old and dear cat, who is part of the family." What they neglected to tell her was that we also have two of her spawn. "She's not going to come over, and she doesn't see very well anyhow, so you'll be fine." That's what my fifth grade teacher would have called the safe side of lying. Ah well, as long as they know we have three cats, I'm happy. And, the daughter-in-law indicated that we'd be fine setting aside part of the yard as a vegetable garden as well. What more could I ask for?

Readying for the move

We found a place near Rocket City. It's just a tad bit smaller than our place here in Paradise, but will cost us 20% less. There was a humongous house we really liked, with a yard to die for (I mean four or five times the size of our rather sizable yard here). But it was significantly more expensive (though only a little more than our current rent). Just didn't seem to make sense. The street was busy and noisy, and the backyard, while expansive, was overlooked by an apartment complex next door. So, we opted for the nice house, in a wonderful neighborhood. We'll be able to walk to dim sum and sushi, big plusses in this household.

And, while it's a little smaller than our current abode, the layout is slightly better for my working at home. I may still look for a small office/studio space to rent, but I'm somewhat discouraged by the prices I've seen so far. Meantime, I wait to hear back from Big Academic Publisher.

I've begun applying for faculty posts. The first application of the season (to Turf) went out yesterday. Two of my recommenders, Tasse Plein and Jim Lodz independently sent me copies of their recommendation letters, with notes to the effect that I should know how my recommenders write about me. Honestly, the letters brought tears to my eyes. Damn! They think I'm good. Hell! I'd hire me. What is wrong with these committees? Oh well, it did my confidence some good. I was quite pleased to see a good deal of specific mentions regarding my research and teaching and initiatives.

I was a bit discouraged on Monday when I sat down to write my letter for Turf. I was doing some sleuthing about the research and teaching of current faculty, to see how I would fit in. I noticed there is a "visiting lecturer" hired in 2003, who teaches the areas covered in the job posting. Inside candidate. Jim Lodz' history is exactly that. He was lecturer here at the University of Paradise for three years before a tenure-track post was opened. Now, he wasn't a shoe-in, but in the end, he was a known quantity, capable, energetic, and well-liked.

Monday, I couldn't write or edit. Tuesday, I just jumped in and crafted a nice letter, mostly from stratch. I printed it off, worked a little on my CV, then packaged them up and sent them off. The posting requested merely a cover letter, CV, and three letters of recommendation. Harry Strope was the third letter writer. This time, I asked each of them to write specifically for the position, rather than sending file letters from career services. Gratifyingly, they each obliged within a day or two. I'm planning to be much more selective this year. As a result, I won't feel bad about asking for a letter or two each month of the job search. If they can't oblige, I'll send the file letters. So far, there's Turf, and two more coming up in December. I'm looking nearly everyday, but discarding many or most.

For now, I've got move preparations to attend to. I had coffee last week with Pat Crystal, the professor at a research university near Rocket City. He was pleasantly receptive and supportive. He gave me a good sense that I'd be able to work something out on their campus for "hanging my hat" so to speak. Once I get settled, I'll start attending the group's weekly meetings, to learn more about what they're doing, and present some of my ideas. I also need to get moving on recruiting volunteers for my [longitudinal project].

I've got my book proposals to work up and send off to the publisher I've been in touch with. There are a couple more conference abstracts I need to draft in the next month or so. Work is waiting for me. I think of Prof. Me's recent posting and I remember just how lucky I am to be able to pursue my work on my own terms. The grass isn't always greener... it just comes in different shades. But I still await the applause.