Head poke

Just poking my head in. As you must have surmised... I'm on blog hiatus. I've let my bloglines reading lapse (over 300 messages taunting me), and I've let my voice here go silent.

I'm in transition, seeking a new path for my current trajectory, and a fuller understanding of just where I'm headed. I've contemplated starting a new blog, for my new self, letting PhDBlue fade as a closed chapter of my life. But is it closed? I suppose, one can always reopen a chapter, reread the lines.

Last night, Rocket and I were talking. I spoke of some of my new fantasies. Not necessarily fantasies about if and when I reach great success. But ... well, I said there's a part of me that would be happy to take a job like the one in Beautiful Nowhere, settle down to being a professor, buy a small farm, raise chickens, grow vegetables, open a little restaurant or B&B, can my own jams and sauces, sell them, on days I don't feel like being elsewhere.

She said, you know, it's okay to have different parts of your self, and to let them come out. It's okay to be complex, and to appreciate that complexity.

So, just now, I'm trying to settle in for the long haul that my current projects require. The screenplay will take me sometime. If I can "sell" the idea, it will take even longer to realize. And my analysis: I'm trying to do something quite different with Applied Research Field than has been done. I'm trying to look at things in a way that has been overlooked. And I'm trying to learn as much as I can about what has been done, and how, so that I can piece together many of the tools that are currently available. No need to reinvent the wheel, when I just wish to make a better chassis.

If I do start a new blog, I'll let you all know. Meantime, friends, thank you for being there these past couple years. And thank you for your patience with me as I enter my cocoon. Who knows? Maybe life as a butterfly awaits.

Who are we, anymore?

When I began this blog, I was motivated for change. I wanted to find a community, a home, a sense of belonging. I was adrift, lost in the current, without navigation. Things have changed... but, (in honor of the recent French election), la plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose. And yet, things are different.

As my wife, the Rocket Scientist recently put it: the time for self-reflection is over; now is the time for action. Indeed, but we must retain our mirrors, glance every now and then at windowpanes and puddles.

Today was slow. I'm sick. By coincidence I had my annual physical exam this morning, scheduled to coincide with the Painter's 5-year check up. When I finally arrived at my office, I was thoroughly uninspired.

This afternoon, I checked my mail to find a small package from Amazon.com. Not a book mind you. I've been ordering a few movies of late, to inspire me. Today's package brought The Human Stain, a fine movie, based on the book by Philip Roth. The cast includes Anthony Hopkins and Gary Sinise, two of my favorites.

But why am I watching movies for inspiration? I'm writing a screenplay. It's project #3 on my list. Three tasks I'm working on, well, four perhaps, depending on how you count. That is my work. Quite a treat to be driving again.

I find myself still seeking my ground, wishing to tie my horse to a post, wondering if this tavern is to be home for a while. It's been since February that I've entered the waters of Applied Research Field. In many ways, it feels like home. The screenplay is not a distraction. In a sense it's marketing. The storyline is about the work I wish to do. In fact, for the movie to actual be realized, it will require my company to do a great deal of the work. That's part of the point. I'm enjoying the chance to draw so many of my disparate interests into a single project, and one which points toward so many more.

Nothing is certain. Sometimes, the journey is most of the fun!

Upside down/Inside out

The world... the world appears upside down and inside out. The events of this week confuse me.

An email last Sunday arrived from the organizer of the [Field 1 & Field 2] conference where I have had a poster accepted in the UK next month. I was ready to send my regrets and withdraw. But I looked over the schedule and presentations. Really interesting, some of which seems squarely relevant to both an academic career and one in [Applied Research Field]. Then, I noticed my name listed in the first slot for the first of three poster sessions. I don't suppose the placement is part of any hierarchy, but it certainly adds a degree of prominence to my name. I began to think I ought do whatever I can to attend. I would likely learn a lot, and gain a good many more contacts (as well as see many of my disparate friends whom I know from other conferences).

Today, I received an email inviting me by name to participate in a Workshop in Canada by the professor organizing it. It just happens to take place at the exact time as the conference in the UK. I'd be their guest and a participant, but they suggested travel costs may not be covered. We have a rather limited travel budget and request participants to seek assistance from their universities. Um... considering circumstances, not likely I'll find any university assistance. But it's nice to be wanted.

Then, a few minutes later, I received an email from the producer for a nationally syndicated radio show, asking if I would be willing to be interviewed as an expert for this week's show.

I'm ... just flabbergasted. And... I'm supposed to be on vacation. I'm really bad about vacations, especially when I'm feeling I've nothing to vacation from. [SIGH!] I'm overwhelmed. Are these good developments? I would think so. But I'm just not sure how to respond.

Inspiration

A few weeks ago, I ordered a copy of "Droidmaker: George Lucas and the Digital Revolution," by Michael Rubin. It arrived a little more than a week ago. I spent a night or two finishing up my first ever reading of "Catcher in the Rye." Then I dug in.

Recently, I had an off-blog discussion with my friend Tracy. We reflected on how our state in life has an impact on how we view other people and events, how we take comments and criticism. I recall my sometime motto: everyone who got where they are, started where they were. Indeed. I realize that I am at a point where what speaks to me reflects the voice I have suppressed, which is seeking its release.

Today, I am taking inspiration from the stories of Francis Coppola and George Lucas. The reasons why they are inspiring me have much to do with where I am in life, and where I wish to go. Today, I am taking back my life, reclaiming my voice, allowing myself to dream with confidence. I shake off the past couple years of waiting.

Another point of Friday's coaching, which I didn't mention in my earlier post, was a question Paul posed to me at one point: what are you angry at yourself for?

Angry? at myself? Hmmm. I talked... but I couldn't quite put a finger on it. Was I angry at myself? It's part of Paul's style to ask questions like that, when I seem stuck, at an impasse. What was I angry with myself about?

He ventured: I have a suspicion that you're angry at yourself for waiting.

Hmmm. I had mentioned that much of the past couple years my modus operandi was to draft up abstracts for conferences, send them off, and wait. They were projects I had some commitment to, but also ones that I thought might appeal to that audience. If I got the green light, I went ahead with the work, and prepared a talk. If not, for the most part, I dropped it.

I did the same thing with job applications, sending off bits of myself, and waiting for a green light to develop that part of me. I tried to envision myself filling out the role defined by some committee or dean. In honesty, I never fully gave up myself: I encapsulated my interests in cover letters, and revealed it in my CVs. No one was buying. I worked harder to sell, chiseling away at my self, wanting some fish to bite, forgetting that trout was what I had a hankering for, not snapper.

Last night, I reflected with my wife that I didn't regret completing my PhD, writing my dissertation. But that, somewhere along the path, I had lost my voice, my passion, my drive, my confidence. Rocket said, she thought it wasn't so much in writing the dissertation, nor in being a grad student, that it happened. But in the time since, along with applying for jobs.

She said most all of the grant and fellowship applications, and much of the conference abstracts, and papers that I had worked on as a graduate student were true to me, reflected my interests. But since finishing the dissertation, my focus has been on finding a job. And the rejection has sapped my confidence, has reduced me to becoming more them, and less me--which, frankly, I'm not any good at, being them.

We talked about research, and about practical applications. I was excited, engaged. There was my voice. I heard it speaking again. Let me use it to succeed. Go to my strengths. Confidence and drive. This will come.

Society of Old Dinosars going extinct

The dinosaurs are going extinct--at least in my eyes.

Dear Articulate Dad,

Thank you for submitting a proposal for the meeting of the Society of Old Dinosaurs [location/date]. I regret to report that the Program Committee did not select your proposal.

The committee had the difficult task of selecting only 144 papers out of over 570 submissions. Unfortunately it could not accept all of the promising abstracts that were proposed. Both the Committee and the SOD Board have asked me to encourage you to consider presenting your work at an SOD chapter meeting* or other venues.

If you have questions about this year's deliberations, you may address them to [name], Chair of the Program Committee [email].

Yours sincerely,
[name]
Executive Director, Society of Old Dinosaurs

* Well, actually, I did. Last year, I presented a preliminary version of this work at the local chapter meeting.

Out of curiosity, I will write to the program chair to see if I might read redacted comments on my abstract (if such things exist). My impression is simply that old dinosaurs have no interest in my work. If they're not a proper part of my audience, perhaps I should stop trying to talk to them. I don't wish to be bitter. I just wish to understand my audience better.

This was the third abstract I'd submitted to the national conference, having not submitted for about four years. I have presented about a dozen conference papers, having organized and chaired two sessions. Do I really need the SOD to listen?

Some clarity?

I got a reply this morning from another company I had contacted. This contact was interesting, a bit off the track. This company produces educational products that are a bit tangential to Applied Research Field, more user, less developer, but in some ways right up my alley. Thanks to Trillwing for her comments and challenges. Also, in light of Paul's urgings, I think I'll be shifting my strategy a bit, once again more toward fact gathering, and friendship building. I've a deadline for my first "sales call" tentatively set for June 1. I've got some time between now and then to learn more, make more contacts, and work on my research. Nonetheless, this was a bit more encouraging a reply than what I got from Swiss Forgery yesterday.

Dear Clarity Products:

Attached please find a copy of my current CV. I received a PhD in [Field 1] & [Interdisciplinary Field] from the University of Paradise in 2005. I have spent the past couple years as a post-doctoral researcher in [Field 2]. The core of my work has involved [area]. My dissertation focused on [description]. I've recently made a shift in focus from an academic career toward one in industry, concentrating on Applied Research Field.

Currently, I am engaged in work on [focus], with an aim to better incorporating these within Forgery systems. I've also been engaged in [description of work I presented at Field 2 conference]. I believe both of these projects should be of interest and value to Clarity Products.

My first entry to Clarity Products was the purchase many years ago of [product]. I was amused and impressed. I would be delighted for the chance to help make improvements to the fine products you produce. I am open to discussing any appropriate opportunities to work with Clarity Products, either as employee or consultant. Please contact me at your convenience.

Enjoy,
Articulate
[consultancy sig file]

Thank you!
We have received your resume, and we greatly appreciate your interest in Clarity Products. Your resume is being passed directly to the hiring manager for review. If your background and objectives seem likely to meet our current needs, we'll contact you as soon as possible. Then it will be our turn to see if we can meet your needs. We realize the people we want have many options, and that hiring is a mutual process.

You can learn more about our company at [URL]. Thank you again for contacting us.

Sincerely,
The Human Resource Group of
Clarity Products, Inc.

3:00 am, 4:00 am...

3:00 am, the Painter enters our room, mumbles something. My wife takes him back to bed. What did he want? I don't know... something about, he wanted to get the water bottle out of the corner of his bed, or something... Oh, okay.

... I couldn't get back to sleep. Too many thoughts. Thoughts are good... it's just the anxiety of them, the urgency at 3:00 am. I'd rather be more thoughtful and productive when the sun is out.

I got up, went to my computer, dealt with some minor nuisances regarding my PRW (which is STILL DOWN by the way)--I needed to update my billing information... still waiting.

Then... I typed up some notes for contacting one of the founders of Steel Industries, Evan Gray, who was recommended to me at [Industry Conference West] by Matt Suliman, the founder and visionary of a very exciting small startup company SciFi Now. I decided, I need to get back to making contacts (even if I'm in temporary hiatus because of the lapse of my domain name). And, there would be few better contacts to make than Evan.

Steel Industries is really my first target to hire me, either as an employee or a consultant. I need to understand, as well as I can, how their technology works, what issues they are already dealing with, what they have in the pike, and how my research can fit into it. I have a suspicion that I'm on to something. But I need to make sure I'm not reinventing the wheel. Humility, commitment, persistence.

3:45 am... I return to bed. 4:00 am... the Painter is back... What do you need, sweety? Nothing... I just want to snuggle. He crawls into bed with us.

I had a dream that there was this boy, and he asked why we should be alive. Hmmm. I think we should be alive because life is pretty wonderful. What do you think? How is your life? Well, it's sort of medium. Alright, dear. We'll have to work on that. Good night. Good night, daddy!

I could sleep after that.

The grass

Last night at the gym (yes, Rocket and I have joined a gym, and have begun going a couple times a week!), I confessed to her that there is a bit of the "grass is always greener" syndrome going on. I admitted that I found myself a bit (just a bit, really) down over her renewed enthusiasm for work. You see, I'm envious of her success, but the feeling diminishes when I can believe that underneath it all the grass really isn't any greener on the other side. But, if she's successful and happy, satisfied and rewarded, well... [SIGH] it's much more difficult to abide.

And that goes for all of you too. I mean if you're going to have a wonderful job and all, and a good relationship, delightful children... at least complain about something, so I don't feel quite so bad, okay?

Of course... I started my coaching with Paul this morning by explaining how pissed off I am over the fact that it's just too hard to get depressed anymore. I mean, sometimes I feel like wallowing in self-pity, embracing an indignant sense of injustice about the way the world has treated me. I mean I deserve it, right? It's just, now, see... I can't get myself all worked up in those endless loops, because, well... they're not terribly productive. And while they are familiar, they haven't done much to get me on the road to success, which, I have to admit, is rather more what I wish for myself.

So, it's back to analyzing forgery and figuring out what I can. I wrote to Drew Davidson, the CEO of Steel Industries who donated some of their software to my research to ask about a matter regarding my research. Let's say, I'm analyzing how forgery models colors, okay. Well, each forgery engine goes about segmenting the spectrum a little bit differently, so it's not so useful for me to simply impose my own arbitrary classifications on the analysis. I asked whether it would be possible for me to gain access into Steel Industries' paradigms for segmenting color.

The reply was swift. Here are a couple of commands you can enter into the system to output color segmentation data. WOW! How great. I mean, that saves me so much work, and enhances the relevance of my analysis a thousandfold. As I said to David in my reply, This is fun!

Die Konferenz endet

The [Field 2] conference has now come to an end. A rather enjoyable, educational experience. I participated in a workshop which was one of the concurrent tracks of the conference, lasting its entire length (other than plenary talks), with papers all regarding one particular aspect of [Field 2] which most relates to my interests and my work. I gave the absolute last paper of the session. Made some new contacts, learned quite a bit more about what is going on in this area of research. I am pleased, and though this was an academic conference, I am further convinced that my current focus on applied research in industry is perhaps the best course for me.

One idea that came out of [Industry Conference] and which is confirmed in my experience here is a shift in terms of my self-identity within the broad field of research. In part, as an academic (at least for me) there is a sense that one's ideas, especially their originality, are equated with one's self, and one's self-worth. It was reflected in my recent fear about "being scooped". It seems in industry, in applied research, what is most important is not who thought of what first, but rather how these ideas are implemented. It takes some of the burden off being completely original, reduces the need to be first and only, and rests it squarely on what one does with ideas.

I have sometimes mused at the difference between Haydn & Dvorak as composers. Haydn opined that the hardest thing for him was coming up with a musical theme, everything else was easy. Dvorak for his part, perhaps singed by the view that as a "peasant musician" melody just came to him natural, reflected that musical ideas were easy: the difficulty lay in their development.

And so, just as my listening preferences lean toward the latter, I identify more with Dvorak's view of work: the idea itself is the easy part; it is merely the beginning; the real work lies in what one does with the ideas. With this new-found (or reborn) approach, it is easier for me to delight in the work of others that may advance or precede my own. Much of this is new work; there is certainly room for my contribution. Rather than feeling inadequate, or thrown off course by discovering others who have accomplished research that I have only contemplated, I am able to delight in this fact, wishing to gain from their collective wisdom, accepting my role as merely a cog in the wheel, or a ball in the bearing, rather than the engine that drives it all. I think this humility is something I have sometimes lacked. It will serve me well.

Tomorrow I head home, to begin a new journey.

Industry Conference followups, Part III

Meredith Binowitz is an industry consultant, running her own firm. Her background is in [Field 2] rather than engineering or computer science, like most of the field. I spoke with her about my research interests, and about her career path, getting from academia to where she is today.

Dear Meredith,
It was great to meet you, and get a chance to talk about so many things. Thanks again for your generosity with your time and energy. I found the event truly inspiring, and am eager to move ahead in this direction with my career. I expect your comments and suggestions will prove significant to me. Attached is a copy of my resume. I expect to be in [her area] in July. If I get the chance, and you have the time, I'd love to stop in on you and catch up. In any case, we'll be in touch.

Enjoy,
Articulate

Articulate,
I enjoyed meeting you and talking with you. I'm glad the conference has moved you forward. I look forward to hearing how things proceed - whether it is in person in July or by email. By the way, would you mind it if I sent your resume to an [Applied Research Field] recruiter that I know?

Meredith

Uh... no brainer there; I replied that I'd be delighted.

Industry Conference followups, Part II

Dear Mauricio,

It was nice meeting you at [Industry Conference West]. To refresh your memory, we stood in front of the registration desk for a while shooting the breeze with Frank Mayer. Attached is a copy of my resume. I hope to see you again, perhaps in New York in August.

Enjoy,
Articulate

Hi Articulate,

Yes, I remember meeting you!!!
Please refresh my memory some more, what was it that I was supposed to do with your resume? Would you like me to look around at [Company]? Anything in particular you are interested in?

Cheers,
Mauricio
_____________________________________________
Mauricio Huppman
Global Sales Manager, [Company]

Hi Mauricio,

Certainly if there is an appropriate position for me at [Company] I would be interested. I won't hold you to finding one though. My primary field of interest at the moment is [rather full details]. I am recently making the shift from an academic focused career toward the commercial field of [Applied Research]. I was inspired by the conference, and am looking for a niche to enter the field. If you have any ideas or suggestions, can think of anyone to introduce me to, or whom I should contact, please let me know.

In any case, it was a treat to meet you, and I look forward to seeing you again.

Enjoy,
Articulate

Articulate,

Well, I tend to think that [Company] has the best [relevant product] around. That's what they tell us in sales anyway ;-)

I forwarded your resume to a few folks - Our chief scientist (the closest thing to having a CTO), manager of our [relevant product] lab in the UK and a manager I know well in the services group.

Check out [URL]. Local consulting company with worldwide customer engagements. They are well connected in the industry and with customers. They can help you understand, among other things, if your skills are directly applicable as a professional service directly with customers. If yes, they are the place to go to for that. If you are interested I can provide introductions to their principals - I know them all.

Regards,
Mauricio

Sometimes I get the feeling...

Our au pair often muses that I have chosen a field in which there are no jobs to be had, that I have self-selected myself out of a career. Nonsense, I'd like to say. I have merely chosen to follow a path that is true to myself. Yes, it is a difficult one. Perhaps I like the challenge. But mostly, we make choices at each juncture, seek to remedy the false steps of the last, and look toward the next.

I sent a brief "checking in" note a couple days ago to Joe Krowicki at [Lake View U.] As you may recall, the position that had looked promising for me was transformed by their dean into something much less appealing (to both me and him):

Hi Joe,

I just thought I'd drop you a line to let you know what I'm up to. I have very much enjoyed our interactions over the past few years, and value your friendship. While I have not yet given up all hope for landing a faculty post, I've grown weary of the wait. About a month ago, I began working with a career coach, to give my career a jumpstart. I've been looking into some of the research going on in [practical application], in particular [some details]. I'll be attending an industry conference [Name & Location] next week, where I'll be meeting with [Corporate Giant] CTO & Strategist for [Applied Research field], among other people. Who knows if this new path will prove more fruitful than my academic job search. But I'm tired of waiting for something to happen in that vein.

I hope you are well, and surviving the task of hiring new colleagues at [Lake View U.]. Let me know how things are going on your end.

Best regards,
Articulate

Here was Joe's reply:

Articulate,

Thanks for the update. The [Corporate Giant] connection sounds very exciting, and I hope you'll let me know what that conference was like. Here in the frozen heartland we are almost halfway done with the "regular-old-theory" search. The last person comes through in a couple weeks. I go off to Europe a week later, mostly to do some archival digging, but also to give two lectures and to participate in a job search (me as a candidate) in [country].

So, lots happening. Please stay in touch,
Joe

Sometimes I get the feeling that my au pair may just be right, at least when it comes to academia. Bear in mind, [Lake View U.] was perhaps the last best bastion of [true subdiscipline] in the U.S. Because it is an interdisciplinary field, there is in fact greater activity involving it in other fields than [Field 1]. But within [Field 1] there were essentially three programs in The States. The first school has one remaining faculty member who is well-established in [true subdiscipline]. A second school which was developing a PhD program in it, lost the senior faculty member who was behind it to another school, where his "distinguished" endowed post permits him to concentrate on his own research, but has not prompted him to establish a new graduate program. The last of these three was [Lake View U.] where the two remaining faculty in [true subdiscipline] may soon be dropping to one, with no indication of any desire to raise that number. [SIGH].

As Joe put it: "not yet dead... but on life support."

What I need to hear

This, from a friend of mine, PhD in Psychology, whom I knew in grad school, and who happens to be currently a post-doc in cognitive neuroscience in the Rocket City area:

Hi Articulate,

I wish you best of luck at the conferences! I'm sure you'll find a good path for you. I'm impressed with your enthusiasm and passion for the fields that you are interested in. That's one of the things I'd love to talk to you about when next we meet, because I could use some inspiration from you to pursue the direction that I'm most interested in despite the pull into other directions.

The other thing I wanted to tell you is that if you don't get a post doc doing brain imaging or what not, that doesn't mean you won't be able to incorporate neuroscience in your future inquiries, and such a post doc may not be the best training for you. Mainly because in a post doc like that, much of your time will be consumed with working out the technical aspects (constant programming, figuring out what to do with noisy signals, etc), but a few years will still not make you an expert (without the computational background, which really math and engineering kinds have - I don't even have enough of it). So eventually when you are leading projects that pursue the research questions you are excited about, I think you could hire people with technical backgrounds, who will be happy to take your ideas and work out the technical details. Well, just a thought.

Vanessa

That's the conclusion I've been coming to myself. But it's really good to have it validated by someone in a position to know, someone I admire and respect, who knows both my work and interests, and that side of the table as well.

Shifting Gears

Last week, I signed up for email alerts from [Corporate Giant] regarding job postings in [Applied Research Field]. Friday, I got a posting for a Research Staff position in Appleton Hills. I wondered whether this posting had anything to do with my flurry of emails to them this past week. Probably not, but it's nice to think of myself having some impact on the field. I say probably not, because they're looking for someone with requisite programming skills, which I think was clear I don't have. But the fact that there is a newly advertised position, doing seemingly what I wish to be doing, which specifies particular skills, gives me some focus. Okay, so now I've begun a want list of skills to acquire. This is exactly what I want!

One of the biggest frustrations in the academic job search is the sense that there is no checklist to follow, no specifics. Everyone who has looked at my CV says it's impressive, that there's really nothing missing (except substantial recent teaching experience). And yet, two+ years of applying, over 100 applications sent, a handful of interviews, and nothing; not only no job, but virtually no feedback. What's missing? What do I need? Okay, teaching fine... I keep looking for adjunct work. But what?

So now... as I begin to openly focus more on the research, possibly moving away from academia toward applied research, it's good to have a sense of specifics. I need to learn more about statistics, good. I need to acquire more recent knowledge of programming and coding, good. I can do that. Learning? Come on now! This is what I'm made for. I've got the questions, the problems. I've got the mind to attack them, to turn them over, to look at them in unusual ways, to break them down, to combine them. That's what you can't teach. Now... now, I can begin to see the particular tools others may expect me to use in the process. Okay.

I begin to get excited about the prospects. I wish to focus my efforts not on getting a job at the moment, but on understanding the field, what it's done, what it's doing, what remains. I've got my sense that de Waal is right, and also that I represent a different set of glasses, a different configuration of lenses through which to filter these problems. Some in [applied research field] may think that all they need are electrical engineers and computer scientists, but they're wrong. If they were right, the problems would have all been solved by now. I am confident that I can contribute to this field of research. No doubt. The trick is then to find the place, and the means to convince them it's worth taking a chance on me. It's the work that I need to think about, not the job.

I wrote to Larry Strope at [Big West Private University]:

Hi Larry,
I'm going to be flying to your area to attend [Industry conference] in a couple weeks. If you're around and could spare time for lunch or coffee, I'd be pleased for the opportunity. I don't know where things stand with [Research Center] search, but I'll do whatever I can to avoid any conflicts of interest for you.
Best,
Articulate

Hi,
Sure thing. The 22nd at noon for some coffee? We remain frustratingly obscure about searches at the present stage, sorry.
Yours,
Larry

On Friday, I also wrote a follow up to the head honcho in [Applied Research Area] at [Corporate Giant], whom I had emailed last Monday as my first contact to the field, but who had not yet responded.

Dear Danesh,
Your name came up again, as someone to contact, this time in conversation with Frank Mayer. I'm planning to be at [Industry conference] in a couple weeks. If you will be in attendance, I'd be pleased for the chance to meet you and talk a little bit.
Articulate

Articulate,
I will be attending [Industry Conference].

Kim,
Would you please make sure that Articulate and I have a 30 min meeting.

Thanks,
Danesh

Danesh Nikahang
[Applied research field] CTO & Strategist
[Corporate Giant] Research

Listen, and talk. I've got some meetings now. I think February will prove to be a good month.

Industry conference

Frank,

Great to talk with you, really. Attached is my CV, and a brief description of my [Longitudinal Project]. Also, feel free to look over my personal research website [URL]. My entire dissertation is posted there in pdf, including about 75 examples
of [aspect he noted an interest in]. For a briefer (and perhaps better) version of the contents, check out my [Dissertation Distillation] article at [URL]. I'll see what I can do to come to [Industry Conference]. I'd be great to meet you in person.

Best,
Articulate

Articulate,

I agree - it was a pleasure meeting you and I hope to get a chance to meet you face to face at [Industry conference].

I swapped emails with some of my associates to collect names of individuals or organizations interested in [research focus]. You should be able to find contact information for the ones without email addresses using Google. I believe all these individuals or companies are involved with research and development associated with [research focus, with details].

[List of contacts and affiliations, some with emails]

Stay in touch and let me know if you plan to attend [Industry conference] in 2 weeks. I'm confident some of these folks will be there.

Good luck!
Frank

I'm going. I booked the flight and hotel this morning. Three days after I get back, I fly to Europe for this [Field 2] conference. Got to get that presentation up to speed. I guess that's next week's focus. I've got everything I need for the analysis. I've got more than half of the work done. I just wanted to include some new material, which is ripe now. Lot's to do, lot's to think about. I just need to get settled.

I jumped!

A little. Testing the air... of course, once you've jumped... the ground is pretty far below. Wish me safe landing, eh?

The other day, I made my coach privy to the back and forth of emails with people at [Corporate Giant], and about my sense of having been there all before. Paul latched on my feelings, hence our half hour "check in" call, at his prompting.

He said,

you know, you want to change [Corporate Giant]. So did Bill Gates. He just didn't do it by getting a job there.

Aha!

Don't focus on the one thing. This is a fact-finding mission, a science experiment. Gather the data first, then figure out how to interpret it, what to conclude. How many small firms, which are looking for people to think outside the box, have you applied to?

Um... none.

What?

None.

Okay, then. Look your job is to make some contacts, find some mentors, gurus, what have you, some friends, people who like you, and want you to succeed in your field.

Then he sent me an email with the subject take this guy to lunch. I didn't take him literally. In that particular case, lunch would've been, let's say, a bit impractical. But I understood the point. Be bold. Paul called me again this morning, briefly, for a chat. [I must say, he's sure earning his keep.] I was drafting a letter to someone else. We talked about approach a bit, about taking advantage of my strengths. You're great on the phone and in person. Get them talking, charm them, then see from there.

Dear Frank,

I came across your listing for a [job title] at [firm]. I'll be up front, I'm not looking for a position at the moment, nor would I properly qualify for this one. But I'm eager to make contacts in the field of [description of the field]. If you could spare 5 minutes on the phone, I would be grateful for the opportunity to talk with you about the field, and to learn more about what you do. Feel free to call me, or send me a number and a good time to call, and I'll do my best to accommodate your schedule.

Best,
Articulate

Articulate,

Are you in a position to call in the next 30 minutes or so?
-Frank

Five minutes turned to twenty, at his discretion. I'm fine, I'd be happy to keep chatting. Turns out, he got a PhD from my undergraduate institution in [Interdisciplinary Field] about 30 years ago. Worked as a college professor for some time, then got into this field of applied research about 20 years ago. Mentioned a couple names of people he'd put me in touch with. Said by the way that he has a strong secondary interest in [Field 1]. Nice guy! He urged me to come to the research field industry conference in two weeks about an hour's flight from here. Said he'd be happy to show me around, introduce me to people. Got to figure that one out. It ain't cheap to attend. Maybe I'll get a day pass or something. It sure feels like I've jumped

A little more like it

Dear Bhaktiva,

I have come across your work regarding the [Research Project] and research in the [Department at Corporate Giant]. I am currently seeking a shift in career from academic to applied research, and am therefore seeking contacts in the field whose work most inspires me. The efforts going on at Appleton Hills [location of their research lab] are of the greatest interest to me in this regard. Any assistance or suggestions you might be able to offer me as I move toward a career in [Applied Research Field] would be most appreciated.

My background is in [Field 1] and [aspect of Field 2]. My PhD dissertation regarded the work of [Historical Figure] involving [aspect of Field 2] from about a century ago. Currently, I am continuing this work in [description of research I'll be presenting in Europe in a few weeks]. I'm also beginning a project called [Longitudinal Project, general overview].

For your perusal, I attach a copy of my current CV, and a brief description of [Longitudinal Project]. Also, feel free to visit my website [URL of PRW]. Again, any advice or suggestions you might offer me would be most welcome. If you know of any appropriate opportunities for someone with my background and interests either at [Corporate Giant] or elsewhere, I would be most grateful for that information.

I thank you,
Articulate

Articulate,

Thanks for getting in touch with me! I will get back to you as soon as I have had a chance to take a look at your resume (within this week). Perhaps, we can set up a phone call after that as well. I will also circulate your resume within [Corporate Giant] (will copy you on it).

Regards,
Bhaktiva

Not holding my breath, mind you. From what I can tell, Bhaktiva works in the same group that Matthew heads. He responded to my follow up inquiry yesterday, even briefer than before, indicating simply that they mostly hire people with an engineering or computer science background. Poo poo! To quote Franz de Waal yet again:

We cannot afford to look through a single pair of glasses; we need lots of different glasses to see reality.

--de Waal (2001), The Ape and the Sushi Master, p. 182

Vision, people. Vision!

Setting the sails to the wind

A couple days ago, I wrote of the winds of change. This morning, I wrote up an "initial contact" email to the director of the corporate research lab I found over the weekend. I did a bit more web research regarding the field and job opportunities. Of course, it's not like I wasn't aware of the technologies. They're being developed, sure. They've been in development for a long time. And frankly, I don't fit quite it would seem, since the areas I'm most interested are not really focused on. And what's more, I'm coming at this from a rather different angle, with markedly different training and background. But then, hey, isn't that the point? That I might have something to contribute that's unique, different.

I sent the email, with my resume, and a description of my [Longitudinal Project] which in my mind has a lot to do with my interest in getting involved with this field of research. This is the real-world practical application of my research. I just hadn't really thought of it as a career path before. But, hey, why not? I mean, my hope is not simply to wallow away in a classroom somewhere, talking about irrelevancies.

I would be quite willing to take even an entry-level position working in this area of research, as long as I could get corporate support for continued training in whatever areas I might need to develop additional skills. From what I can tell, an entry-level corporate job would be comparable in pay and benefits to what I might likely expect in most entry-level assistant professor posts. This may just be a direction I'd prefer to head. Can't quite say yet.

Meantime, I will still be sending out more applications for faculty posts, and inquiries for adjuncting. But the Rocket Scientist and I are coming closer to understanding our hopes and dreams, where we might like to live, what sort of work environments we would ideally seek. A house, some land, a garden, meaningful work that contributes positively to society, appreciation, and little or no commute! We're setting up targets. Now, to develop those archery skills.

Relevance

In my original dissertation proposal, I asked the question:

What is the relevance of this work today?

The topic of my dissertation was a mix between the work about a century ago of a particular historical figure and the developments in three intersecting fields (Field 1, Field 2, and Interdisciplinary Field) from that time to today. I was interested in understanding how that figure's activities a century ago (which have mostly gone unacknowledged beyond a very limited scope) reflected on more general issues, how that experience might be compared to our own, and what relevance that work has on our knowledge today, what it might tell us as we move ahead.

By the time I completed my draft proposal, my dissertation chair had moved on to join the faculty at a university on the other side of the country. My advocate was gone, the person who had recruited me to enroll at his institution, who supported and sustained me. I wished to broaden my base of support, and to benefit from understanding them as part of my audience.

I gave the draft proposal to another faculty member in Field 1/Subfield 1 (let's call him Robert Spritzer), who was not on my committee (which included highly unusually for my program members from subfield 1, subfield 2, subfield 3, and Field 2). I asked for his feedback. Spritzer is a confirmed Old Dinosaur. He latched on to that question toward the end of my proposal.

We don't ask that sort of question in subfield 1 studies? What is the relevance of it? Relevance doesn't play into our inquiries.

And there, I suppose, is where I most part company with subfield 1'ers. I do ask those sorts of questions. I wish to. I have little interest in tidbits of knowledge for their own sake (other than to dazzle checkout stewards at the grocery store: Universal Product Code, that's what it stands for. Price Look Up, that's the other one.) Tidbits of knowledge are parlor tricks, not worthy enough in themselves for me to dedicate a life to.

I find myself wondering how to get from my past to my future, leaving behind parlor tricks, seeking relevance.

Could this be the winds of change?

I let the deadlines slide. You may recall my new coach requested a laundry list of responses from me on short deadlines that I simply couldn't keep. I had hoped to get him something by last night, but as you might imagine from my last post, I was in no mood to do anything entailing thought at the point I arrived home. In fact, all I could muster was to grab a beer from the fridge and sit... That felt good enough after a while to join my family for dinner. My wife cooked.

I sent Paul a note this morning that I'd get him responses tonight... and I will. As you will see, I've got something to discuss.

On the drive to my language class yesterday, I pulled out one of my audio recorders set it for dictate and had a go at answering one of Paul's questions:

Send me a list of any type of paying work you are willing to pursue while you pursue your career in academia before we talk on Monday.

You know, a little question like that. Any type of work. What would I do? I started to speak. Must confess, the process of thinking out loud into a recorder seems so much more unnatural to me than sitting at the keyboard (or a notebook) and writing. Funny that, isn't it? Writing is rather not the earlier evolutionary development. But then, there is the question of thought. Do we think in speech? Surely not. But that's another point entirely.

What would I do? On the intake survey, he asked:

If you could wave a magic wand and create the perfect situation for yourself as a professional and as a person, what would it look like?

To which I replied:

I would have great freedom in my choice of direction, which projects to move ahead on. I would be involved in efforts to advance our understanding of human behavior, and toward making the world a better place. I would be surrounded by intelligent and engaged colleagues, who could be called up for their expertise, to answer my questions, or to collaborate with on projects. And I would likewise be called up to assist them with my own expertise. I would have sufficient funding and stability that I wouldn't fear to attempt longer term projects that might exhibit a degree of risk of failure, but nonetheless promised a great deal in terms of payoff to society.

As I sat in the car, assaulting my recorder with hesitating words um... uh.... I thought about some of the grants I had been so long ago thinking of applying for. There was also an NPR mention of a relatively new program of one of their major sponsoring foundations. When I recovered from the commute, I did a little web (and hard drive) searching.

In the midst of searching, I came across a brief article (a press release of sorts) on the website of a large, well-established corporate giant, dealing with an ongoing research program that meshed almost exactly with an idea I have for practical applications in the world of the research that most excites me.

There are roughly 100 [Corporation Name] [Field] researchers worldwide.

My best guess is there are somewhere between 300 and 3000 workers worldwide in this area of research inside and outside of said corporation, not likely more. Could I join their ranks? I want to make a difference. I want to do exciting, interesting work. I want to be able to sit at a dinner party and unabashedly discuss what I do for work, with a sparkle in my eye, and welcome their inevitable wows and that's fascinatings.

I think of my dear friend Tracy's recent reflections on being a college professor:

Perhaps it should worry me that none of the things I really love to do have anything to do with academia, but it honestly doesn't. The world of academia is the world of my job -- what I do to earn an honest living. My passion is not there. My passion is here. And I suppose that's OK.

Indeed, it is. I think my wife is a lot like Tracy. She's got an honest job, which she is good at, but about which she isn't passionate. It is also OK that I want to be passionate about my work. I don't want it to take away from my family (which I confess my current obsession with not having such work probably does), but as my wife recently reflected in response to a relayed inquiry from my coach:

Now, your ideas and dreams are extremely valuable. They are what make you the man I fell in love with, they are what make you Articulate. I love to share your ideas and dreams with you.

I am not one who compartmentalizes well. I am who I am; I wear my heart on my sleeves. And frankly, those who like me must like me that way.

So, I sat looking at this article/press release, and started dreaming about getting a job at their research site. Convergences. That's what I often seek in life, like signposts pointing me in a particular direction. The research campus for this work is in a region I have often considered ideal. There's good prospects for the Rocket Scientist to work about 20 or 30 miles away.

Okay, slow down. That's what I tell myself. Look before you leap, because I'm a leaper. We'll see. But I have discovered that, despite my ignorance, there is a name for the work, a field (more in corporate research than in academia), and a possible direction for me to head, one which seems to promise all those things I seek. The big fear I have now is that it might require more training for me to become marketable in the field. But we'll see. If I could get even a low-level job in the field with benefits for additional training...