Making it easy

Good coaching this morning. I've been feeling a bit down lately, having the flu (or whatever) hasn't helped. Whatever the au pair had has infected me as well, though I've been managing it alright with OTC medicine, and lots of fluids.

But really, I've been beating myself up. I think of BrightStar's recent post. When I'm nice to myself ... when I'm not so nice...

Earlier in the week, I realized that what makes me happy these days is actually doing the work I've chosen for myself, the analysis and such that I hope in the short term will work to the benefit of forgery. I get gassed up thinking about these things. Diving into my analysis, my mind overflows with questions, problems, possible solutions, alternate avenues. This is what I live for.

Paul talks of making it easy for myself. I told him about the SOD rejection letter, and explained that I felt that was a last straw in a sense, that unless something dramatically changes, I don't expect to renew my membership, or to attend their conferences again. I said I've been beating myself up for years, trying to "get" this audience. But right now, I just don't care anymore. I don't get them; they don't get me. Perhaps I sound bitter. I don't wish to be bitter, I just want to move on.

You don't sound bitter to me. You just sound like someone who is coming to grips with not wanting to fight anymore. You don't need to. Make it easy on yourself. Do what comes naturally. Do what you enjoy. And when you're feeling good from your work, your analysis or whatever... that's when you pick up the phone and make a new contact.

I mentioned that I have this addiction to feedback. What's it mean when someone says "no" to you?

No? That's easy. It means I can move on to the next thing. It's when they say nothing that it pisses me off.

So, what's with that? What's with you and feedback? What does it mean when someone is silent?

It means they don't give a damn. I'm simply not important to them.

So it's all about you. What's the truth? The truth is they have lives too. It's not about you. It's about them, about where they are in life, what they need, what they want. But where does it hit you, physically, when you're ignored?

Hmm... I'll tell you where it takes me. It takes me to the playground in elementary school, when I was the last kid picked for the team.

Aha! Okay, so now we're getting somewhere. Now you've identified the personality trait that's running the show in this. (I've got that kid too, inside of me.) But that six-year old isn't good at running your business, is he? You've been beating him up like the bullies did to you. Don't beat him up. Tell him you'll take care of him. Tell him he'll be alright What do you want to say to him?

You can be on my team.

There you go! Let him on the team. Just don't let him run your life.

Now, I need to settle with forging ahead for the next few months, accepting (as a poem I once wrote put it) "time takes time". Either this will work, or it won't. I've got little to lose in trying it, and much to gain, either way.

Fun with websearch

In emulation of Lilian's recent post, on Mama(e) in Translation, I just had to note this search:

faulty causation "pickles"

which linked to an archive of my posts from last October, including this post berating pop-science and this one discussing pickles. I do hope their next batch of pickles comes out okay.

Good point

A few days ago, my mom mentioned she had spoken with her ex-husband (the man she met when I was 11, and married when I was 13, with whom she remained married until a few years ago). Let's call him Tom. He happens to be a full professor at a prestigious East Coast University, but he was a far cry from that when I was young. Their conversation turned to me. Tom mentioned that the husband of a colleague of his recently took an industry post in [Applied Research Field], and suggested I might send him my resume to be forwarded along.

Yesterday, I received the following email:

Dear Articulate,

Tom Stepdad forwarded your C.V. to me and we also had a phone discussion about your interest in [Applied Research Field]. Glad to hear that you've taken a liking to our field of study.

I've only had time to briefly look over your resume and take a quick look at your website. I'd like to take a look at your thesis and a couple of your papers to get a better sense of what you've done and where you're hoping to go with it. It looks like your dissertation is on your website and I can view it there; are there one or two of your papers that you'd recommend, and are they on-line? Also, any work involving computing?

I'll take a look at your thesis, and look forward to hearing from you further.

Regards,
Ven
PIC Technologies

I took a look over their website, and sent off a few quick inquiries to some of my contacts in the field to find out what I could about the company, and if anyone knew this fellow. Susan Trout gave me a call at home (I was watching the boys, while the au pair recovered from some bug that gave her 103 fever). It's good to have friends. We talked for about 20 minutes about things. She's one of the few in the field (like Meredith Binowitz and Frank Mayer) who is neither an engineer nor a computer scientist. As she explained, most of them got in somehow through the backdoor, usually by joining a team as a new lab was forming. She said she's sat on hiring committees, years later, realizing that she'd probably not have hired herself. She suggested perhaps a fruitful avenue for me might be finding a small startup that plans to do things a different way. We talked a bit about research and applications. There is a place for me. I will find a path!

Back to the letter. I began drafting a response today. Paul called me in the middle of it, in response to a quick note I sent him this morning asking for feedback on some of what I'd been sending him earlier in the week. Good thing, too. He said, why don't you just send Ven a quick response, and try to get him on the phone. Go to your strengths. You're good on the phone, and in person. Use writing as your fallback, if you need to.

I realized at that point, that I was drafting a rather defensive (perhaps aggressive in the words of Jim Lodz) reply. Not so good. Not really what I want to project. I do have confidence that there's a place for me in this field. Perhaps, like my friend What Now!, examining the prospects of teaching high school, I may even have more confidence in this direction than in continuing to seek a faculty appointment.

Hi Ven,

Thanks for the contact. Glad to see there's some interest. Why don't we try to hook up on the phone this week or next. You can try me at my office [phone number] just about any time, or send me a number and a good time to call, and I'll do my best to oblige.

Regards,
Articulate

Paul is right. Go to my strengths. Good point!

Society of Old Dinosars going extinct

The dinosaurs are going extinct--at least in my eyes.

Dear Articulate Dad,

Thank you for submitting a proposal for the meeting of the Society of Old Dinosaurs [location/date]. I regret to report that the Program Committee did not select your proposal.

The committee had the difficult task of selecting only 144 papers out of over 570 submissions. Unfortunately it could not accept all of the promising abstracts that were proposed. Both the Committee and the SOD Board have asked me to encourage you to consider presenting your work at an SOD chapter meeting* or other venues.

If you have questions about this year's deliberations, you may address them to [name], Chair of the Program Committee [email].

Yours sincerely,
[name]
Executive Director, Society of Old Dinosaurs

* Well, actually, I did. Last year, I presented a preliminary version of this work at the local chapter meeting.

Out of curiosity, I will write to the program chair to see if I might read redacted comments on my abstract (if such things exist). My impression is simply that old dinosaurs have no interest in my work. If they're not a proper part of my audience, perhaps I should stop trying to talk to them. I don't wish to be bitter. I just wish to understand my audience better.

This was the third abstract I'd submitted to the national conference, having not submitted for about four years. I have presented about a dozen conference papers, having organized and chaired two sessions. Do I really need the SOD to listen?

A little work'll do you good

Here's a little check-in I just sent to my coach. I've got to take off early now, to take the Painter to swim lessons. Paul had suggested recently that my frequent emails or phone calls seem to benefit me, and that he's happy to have them, so:

Hi Paul,

I was a bit down this morning. I'm stressed today by all the uncertainty, and oppressed by my own attachment to feedback. A few of the people I've emailed in the past month have remained silent, allowing the yeast of my mind to ferment in worries. I think of your caution following [Industry Conference West] to not allow myself too much to dwell in my head.

When I sit, and wonder which direction to go, I wallow in misery. Rocket says not to worry about her, and we've looked over the finances, and I know that we'd survive. But I worry nonetheless about making an income. I know: one thing at a time. I've got time to get there. October (the soonest she might take off from work) is a ways away. June 1st is my target for the first "sales call." Patience. It will come.

I finished reading over the articles by Matt Suliman yesterday, and typed up my notes. I went over them a bit today, and got the courage to send him an email with some questions and comments. Then, I dove back into my analysis. I really enjoy this work. God, I want just so much to find a landing spot. I don't have to stay there, but I want somewhere to pause, to have the leisure to complete a project, knowing that I'll get paid for it, that it will lead somehow to the next one.

It's like swimming across an ocean. I want some places to pause, check my heading, to be sure I'm not swimming endlessly in circles.

/Articulate

Get up and do something

That's what I started to say to myself, after penning the last post. I realize that part of my problem is in the description there "I sit in my office, wondering what to do."

Of course, sitting, and wondering, is like navel-gazing, most conducive to stagnation. I finally got the motivation to write up an email to Matt Suliman the founder and president of SciFi Now!, whom I met at [Industry Conference]. He had sent me a couple articles that he had published on issues we had discussed at the conference. I finished reading them and typing up my notes yesterday.

Normally, I'm quite a gregarious person. But I hesitate at times, when I feel a particular contact is important. This is a fellow I hope to be friends with for a long time, as we share a great many interests. But it's sent off now.

Part of my problem today, and what has either lead me to a bit of navel-gazing, or at least has made that "sitting" more painful, is that I've been a bit in the waiting stage. I've been anticipating hearing from several people or institutions, who have remained silent. I need to get beyond the waiting, stop thinking about it, and accept that that's the way it is. Move ahead. Get working again. So, that's what I'm off to do.

Silent phase

I've been silent a few days. Haven't felt like I had anything to say. Not really sure what to write now.

My brother-in-law and his wife were in town (last Thursday through last night). That was nice. In part it might explain some of my silence. And, there're taxes, which have taken up some of our time lately.

I'm just quite uncertain right now. Several of you fellow bloggers have been writing about writing, or about conferences, or about grading and teaching. I sit in my office, wondering what to do.

Partly, there's some confusion, coming from my wife's ups and downs about her work. She's dealing with an existential crisis herself. Part of her is pulling her to spend more time at home with the family. But there are hidden hands gripping the bars of her career, unwilling to loosen their grasp. Figuring out why they are holding on, and what the bar represents has been distracting both her and me for a while.

These uncertainties impact me in determining how much and when I need to bring in income. Thinking about that weighs on me, feeling an emptiness from taking. Having no income makes me feel like a fat, spoiled 20-something lying on a couch, watching sitcoms, and playing video games all day. Sure, I contribute at home. And I handle the finances, pay the bills, manage the investments. And I know the guilt is fruitless.

I haven't been lying on a couch. But I'm reminded of the lesson I learned years ago, about auditions. They don't care how long it took you to learn the part. They don't care how hard you tried. They care only about whether you pull it off. Today, I feel like I haven't yet pulled it off. I've been shirking a role that seems ill-suited to me. Yet, I'm still trying on costumes, reading over scripts, wondering if this one or that is a better fit.

I've been doing more reading recently. But days go by that seem to be rather unproductive. Accomplishments seem inordinately small in comparison to the time spent.

Mixed signals. There's still a tug for me to the academy. Yet, the academy has pushed me off, repeated, consistently, for years. The bitter taste still dwells in my craw. But I realize the acridness is mostly self-induced. Like with feelings and thoughts, it's up to me how to proceed.

Some clarity?

I got a reply this morning from another company I had contacted. This contact was interesting, a bit off the track. This company produces educational products that are a bit tangential to Applied Research Field, more user, less developer, but in some ways right up my alley. Thanks to Trillwing for her comments and challenges. Also, in light of Paul's urgings, I think I'll be shifting my strategy a bit, once again more toward fact gathering, and friendship building. I've a deadline for my first "sales call" tentatively set for June 1. I've got some time between now and then to learn more, make more contacts, and work on my research. Nonetheless, this was a bit more encouraging a reply than what I got from Swiss Forgery yesterday.

Dear Clarity Products:

Attached please find a copy of my current CV. I received a PhD in [Field 1] & [Interdisciplinary Field] from the University of Paradise in 2005. I have spent the past couple years as a post-doctoral researcher in [Field 2]. The core of my work has involved [area]. My dissertation focused on [description]. I've recently made a shift in focus from an academic career toward one in industry, concentrating on Applied Research Field.

Currently, I am engaged in work on [focus], with an aim to better incorporating these within Forgery systems. I've also been engaged in [description of work I presented at Field 2 conference]. I believe both of these projects should be of interest and value to Clarity Products.

My first entry to Clarity Products was the purchase many years ago of [product]. I was amused and impressed. I would be delighted for the chance to help make improvements to the fine products you produce. I am open to discussing any appropriate opportunities to work with Clarity Products, either as employee or consultant. Please contact me at your convenience.

Enjoy,
Articulate
[consultancy sig file]

Thank you!
We have received your resume, and we greatly appreciate your interest in Clarity Products. Your resume is being passed directly to the hiring manager for review. If your background and objectives seem likely to meet our current needs, we'll contact you as soon as possible. Then it will be our turn to see if we can meet your needs. We realize the people we want have many options, and that hiring is a mutual process.

You can learn more about our company at [URL]. Thank you again for contacting us.

Sincerely,
The Human Resource Group of
Clarity Products, Inc.

Getting out of my own way

Get out of your own way! That was the concept from today's coaching. How do you make it difficult for yourself?

Hmm... Paul was rather intent on helping me realize that "getting a job" is not exactly what I want, and frankly, it's not an easy task for me.

But why, in the universe, am I the only one this is tough for? I mean, okay, this is what people do: they send off their resumes, someone calls them. Easy. I thought that was the easy route. I've been trying to become a professor. That's hard.

Easy is a relative thing. The problem with taking someone else's path is that you don't have their eyes, and you bump into things. It's not your path. You're good in person, on the phone; you're interesting, engaging. Much better than in emails. Get off the computer! Make some phone calls; take some people to lunch. Ask them questions.

Okay... okay!

Thanks to apparently for her comment to my earlier post. Grace and courage to move forward are what I need.

Where is love?

Dear Mrs. Miner,

I have recently made a shift in career focus from academia to applied research in Applied Research Field. Attached please find a copy of my current CV. I received a PhD in [Field 1] & [Interdisciplinary Field] from the University of Paradise. Since August 2005, I have served as a Visiting Scholar there in [Field 2]. My principal interest regards [specifics].

My Ph.D. dissertation addressed [details, and their relation to Applied Research Field]. I recently gave a talk at the [Field 2 conference], presenting [details]. At the conference, I met [researcher from Switzerland], whose work on [details] is close to my own interests.

I would be very interested to discuss with you what opportunities there might be for someone with my background and interests, either at Swiss Forgery, or more broadly within Applied Research Field. I welcome any and all feedback from you, or from anyone you might refer me to. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours,
Articulate Dad

Dear Mr. Dad

Thank you for your application for employment with Swiss Forgery.

We regret to inform you, that there is no open job postition for your profile in the moment. What we can do, is keeping your CV, and we would come back to you in case a suitable job opening occurs in the future.

We would like to take the opportunity to wish you every success for the future.

yours sincerely,
Jessica Miner

Must I continue to get this crap, wherever I turn? I really tire of this.

Patience... Perseverance. It will come.

Moving forward

Hi Mauricio,

Talked with Harry Quill for about an hour yesterday. Thanks for the introduction. Nice guy. Honest. Open. He didn't offer me a job, but he gave me quite a few ideas for moving forward.

Just to let you know: I submitted my resume and materials for 5 positions at [Subtle Products], hoping to break into the field whatever way I can. This is my path; I just have to figure out how to get on it.

The positions I submitted for are:

* [title] in Belgium
* [title] in Belgium
* [title] in the UK
* [title] in Massachusetts
* [title] in Massachusetts

I don't know what they'll be looking for. I'm not sure where I'll fit. What I do know is that [Applied Research Field] is my new home, however it comes.

Meantime, I'm not holding my breath for anything. I'm starting a consultancy [name of consultancy, electronic business card attached] to keep me busy, focusing initially on [details] and finding ways to incorporate this element into existing Forgery systems. Hopefully something will take. While I'm waiting, it sure is good to do some practical research.

Now... when are you coming for dinner? You just let me know when you'll be in the Rocket City area.

Enjoy,
Articulate

Articulate,

Thank you again for the kind invitation!

Glad you liked Harry-- he is a great guy. I used to work with him (and the rest of his team) and have enjoyed staying in touch with him.

Please send me another copy of your resume (I didn't keep the old one) and I'll forward it internally to the hiring managers for all of these positions.

Are you looking to relocate to the UK, Belgium or Boston?

Mauricio
_____________________________________________

Mauricio Huppman
Global Sales Manager
[Subtle Products, Inc.]

The day moves, but slowly

The day moves, but slowly (3/20/2007)

The day moves, but slowly,
as heart and mind race
through time and place
with rampant pace.

Have I moved, even slowly, myself?

I see through a fog
that movement is slow
while thoughts are quick,

but quickest
when cogitations come ruminations,
those ruminations turn musings,
and musings find outlets to be
realized and free.

et tu, Tasse?

Dear Articulate:

Sounds like you're doing lots of great things. I had a long conversation with the folks at [Alternate University] less than a week ago, so I hope something comes of it.

I'm very sorry it's all been so frustrating; obviously, that wasn't what you wanted. Your plan to start a consulting company sounds quite rich, and I hope you'll send me material so that I can pass it along to others.

As usual, congrats on your successful paper presentations and your other work.

Warm regards to the family.

Best,
Tasse

Tasse Plein
Professor and Chair, [Field 1]
[Big East Private]

At some point, we all grow up. My father died more than two years ago. In his later years, an unspoken realization was that I had surpassed his accomplishments (though surely not his late-blooming wisdom). He was very proud of my degrees, and anticipated with relish the completion of my PhD. It was, for me, a proud moment when, faced with a desire to return to writing, he trusted me with critiquing his poetry, in preparation for a fellowship application. Even the many times I disregarded it, I miss the opportunities to hear his advice.

When he died, my mother said I was "head of the clan": I'm the stable one, the married one, the well-degreed. The implication was that I am a finished product, ready to be packaged, shipped, and utilized. When I was younger, I often called my mother with one principal intent: merely to hear her say "it will be alright". I'm sure she'd tell me the same today. But I need to hear it in my own voice. I shudder. This, now... is all on me.

Unfinished Business

My earlier post was not the whole story. After writing it, I piddled for about an hour. I was still home at the time, having woken up a bit under the weather (probably allergies more than anything, as the local air quality is poor today). I had been delaying making a phone call, following up on one of the references that Mauricio Huppman had set up for me. I wanted to be in the right frame of mind. I finally made the call which lasted nearly an hour. It was free-wheeling, and encouraging. The upshot was he thought I'd find little resistance on the consulting path I'm setting up.

The letters had put me in an odd mood, thus the delay. I can't say I was really depressed by them. I'm not even sure how I'd react today if one of those schools called me up for an interview. It's an odd place to be.

In the back of my mind as well were this morning's emailed comments by Paul, goading me to jump from the plane, to trust my parachute. I had written him about the possible adjunct opportunity at [Lemon University]. Some of what follows is raw, so forgive me the lack of focus, the flightiness. Some ideas fly away with the wind like chaff. Some of this surely is chaff. I'm thinking out loud. Think of it as brainstorming, rather than edited copy. I had noted in my email to Paul:

It's a tough call for me, since I've been working and hoping for this eventuality for years now. Now that it seems likely, I'm torn. I keep saying I'm not quite ready to give up the aim of becoming a professor, and yet my sense of self-identity has been shifting. I need it less, if at all. This, of course, would simply be part time. There are logistical issues, in particular what the pay would be, and what the commute would look like (would I be teaching two days a week, three? days? evenings?). Certainly those factors would play into my decision.

But they're not all. Rocket & I have been talking about a default "exit strategy". She and I need to hash this out a bit more, but one idea we've been floating around is that, by the end of this year, unless something else takes hold to belay it, we'd plan to move back to [Former City], where we have friends, where we love the location, where there is easy access to a hub airport to conveniently fly just about anywhere in the states, and around the world. We haven't worked through all the details, but it's a thought that appeals in ways to both of us.

I had also kept Paul apprised of my correspondence with Joe Krowicki.

Thanks for the note. Great to connect with you and Rocket this past week. My gut tells me that it's time to make a decision on the Professorship. From what I gathered on the call on Friday, you both seem "done" with the idea of a Professorship. And, there is some unfinished business with you and the academic job hunt. My guess...if you get the offer and say no, you'll be able to put this phase of your life behind you. Again, just my opinion...you're an entrepreneurial spirit. Teaching? Maybe. But, probably after, or while you are in the process of making your mark.

The move to [Former City] will get a lot more conceivable once you have a few accounts under your belt or have a job that pays you what you feel you are worth and challenges you in that all important dinner party way.

I agree with Joe. He talks about there being a lot of networking involved in starting out on your own. You love to network. And, you're great at it. Having been an Entrepreneur for almost 20 years now, this I can tell you for sure. The merit system works in the business world. If you're the best, are willing to let people know that in a non-threatening way, help them see how you can make them better and do what you say you are going to do, you win. In other words...in business...the cream does rise to the top.

So there you have it. Where do I go from here?

Trickling rejection

The academic rejection letters trickle in, day by day. I mentioned a couple days ago that I had received the official letter from Joe Krowicki at [Lake View U.]. A few others have been crossing my transom.

Today brought three more:

The expected disappointment:

Dear Dr. Dad,

On behalf of [Research Center] at [Big West Private], I would like to thank you for your interest in our junior faculty position. It was a pleasure to review your supplementary materials with the members of the search committee. However, I regret to inform you...

Please accept our wishes for much success in your career, and thank you for your interest in [Big West Private].

Sincerely,
Larry Strope

The impersonal send-off:

Dear Dr. Dad:

I am writing with regard to your application for X at Y. The Search Committee has completed its review of the submitted credentials, and I am sorry to report that your application is no longer under consideration for this position. The Committee was very impressed with the quality of the applications submitted. The selection of candidates from the overall field was not an easy task...

Sincerely,
[Name], Dean

And, the heart-warming heartbreak (to be noted alongside the recent letter Trillwing presented):

Dear Articulate [Middle Name] Dad:

Thank you for your application for the Assistant Professor of [Subfield 1] at [University].

In most faculty searches, the university receives from one hundred to four hundred applications. Nearly all applicants are qualified by academic training and degree program, so the task of each search committee is a daunting one. Our hiring process calls for the committee to present ten to twenty files to the dean for review and ultimately to recommend a small number of candidates, normally three, for campus interviews.

We are painfully aware that many excellent candidates exist in what are sometimes very crowded fields. I can assure you that your application was read with attention and evaluated carefully. In this case, however, you were not among those finalists for the position who were invited to campus. One of those finalists has now been offered and has accepted the position.

The search committee and I thank you for your interest in [University]. We wish you the best in your effort to find an appropriate and attractive faculty appointment.

Sincerely,
[Name], Academic Vice President

The pain does not diminish.This last letter hit me the hardest. Such a fine pool of qualified and talented candidates. What a stupid waste for society to not use those talents. And why am I here? Why do I still torture myself, with almostness?

Torn by a Lemon peel

Last week, I wrote to my friend, Sara Chaisano, to renew my invitation for her and family to come over for dinner (it's about 40 minutes to an hour's drive), and to update her on my current career thinking. I'm torn, because it seems the prospect of them offering me some adjunct teaching for next year is shoring up. What do I want, now? Not sure.

Hi Articulate! Sorry to take so long to respond. Life is really crazy. Newborn schedule and my current administrative tasks. So I am checking email about twice a week only.

Anyway, thank you for the invitation for dinner! It is very kind of you and we would love to come up there. [Detailed Logistics]. So maybe April would be better. But then it's so hard for me to find time to grade now that I spend so much time baby-tending, that it might be better after the semester is over! Or maybe we could meet half way?

Good luck with your faculty job search. That's too bad about [Lake View U.]--do you know why they did that? Here at [Lemon University] it looks more and more like we'll probably need someone to cover our [Field 1] 101 course for the fall and spring next year. I'm not sure about anything else yet, but also possible the [broader crossdisciplinary] class. Nothing concrete yet---but if it works out would you be interested in teaching 101 for us? I already have my two [subfield 2] colleagues on board to approve you.

Take care!
Sara

I've got to reply in the next few days. I'll have to discuss this with the Rocket Scientist. I'd be loathe to turn aside an opportunity that I've spent years working for (even if it's on the bottom rung), without something else to hold on to. This is a really tough call for me. But I respect Sara too much (and my own sense of propriety) to lightly say, yeah, sure, I'd do it, unless I have a good sense that I'd be willing to follow through. To some extent, it would depend on logistics: what would the pay be, and what would be the schedule, both of which would help me to decide the practicality of the commute vs. the costs in time and money for travel.

How well do you know me?

As seen on the Clutter Museum:

Create your own Friend Quiz here

Baking improvements

I have not yet achieved mastery of baking, but recently dedicated myself to improving this lack. One motivator was the fact that we fell in love with the bread we could purchase daily and cheaply in Central Europe during our year abroad. In Paradise, we were fortunate to find a wonderful bakery that provided us with "multigrain basket" bread, a rather good approximation. But there is nothing of the sort here in the Rocket City area. Below is my most recent attempt at a sourdough multigrain loaf. The size, shape, flavor and texture are closer to my aim, but still not quite right.


Actually, the pictured loaf was a bit big. We were used to purchasing 1 kilo loaves in Europe (often half, or quarter loaves). This one weighed in at 1.6 kilos! I've got a sourdough rye loaf rising at the moment, a smaller one. We'll see how that turns out. The difficulty is in making a free-form loaf that doesn't fall flat. It needs enough density to hold its shape without becoming a brick.

And, below, this morning's crop of apple-banana-mango pancakes (served with Articulate's homemade mango and strawberry jam, of course). Don't worry, we had ample leftovers to put away.


Again, this is a not-quite-perfect creation. The boys adore pancakes. Part of my aim is to get more fruit into #1. While #2, at 2 years old, is still content to eat just about anything, #1, at 4;11, attaches himself to certain rather arbitrary refusals. He loves mangoes, but won't touch apples or bananas these days (unless they're disguised). I've taken to blending up the fruit and mixing it in with the batter. I've created some delicious but rather mushy results, realizing that the proportions are not quite right. Today's included about 1/2 cup each of chopped apples, mangoes, and bananas (blended it comes to just over 1 cup total), two eggs, 3 cups of flour, 2-1/2 cups of milk, 2 tbs. baking powder, and 1/4 tsp. of salt. Good, but I still want to do better. I could probably reduce the baking powder to 1.5 or even 1 tbs. But I'm not sure what other adjustments to make. Any thoughts?

My garden (for Tracy)

My dear friend, Tracy (blog restricted to members), asked a while ago for pictures of my garden. Not much to show yet, as many of the plants are still tiny seedlings. What you see on the right of this picture is mostly "volunteer" tomato plants, many transplanted from pots which had been filled with homemade compost, thus the volunteers. Tiny sprouts of peppers, beans, zucchini, eggplant, cantaloupe, carrots, watermelons, cucumbers (I think that's all) dot the remainder of the ground. In the back, you see a screen door which shades the abundant crop of lettuce, arugula, and broccoli. Below, you see a "volunteer" lettuce head, of which I am truly proud. The picture was taken just before harvesting this past week.

Inventor as explorer

Visiting the local botanic gardens not too long ago, the Inventor went exploring in the land of giant cactus: