Saturday, November 18, 2006

A glimmer of hope

I'm thrilled for my friend Trillwing for landing a job. Perhaps this is a glimmer of hope that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Today I knocked off three more job applications. I've got five more, another conference abstract, and a guest lecture to prepare in the next week. My mother arrives for Thanksgiving on Tuesday. My brothers arrive Thursday. It will be a busy week.

Tonight the Rocket Scientist and I head out for a night at an amusement park. Let go, let go. That's all I really want to do. God I hate still being here, still applying for jobs. As much I still get excited about the possibilities, it's far less than I used to get excited.

I saw a friend at the conference a couple weeks ago who finally after about three years of adjuncting landed himself a t-t job. The advice he gave was to not get excited about them, to not think about the possibilities, not imagine living in the place. Just submit the materials then forget it. I can't do that... I really can't. Partly, it's me. But partly it's simply where we are in life as a family. I've got to consider how my family would make it work, or not. No point in going through the motions for a job that from the outset I don't think I'd want or be able to take. But there are still many which might work.

There are several good prospects for me this season. I'm still hopeful, but my confidence has taken a major hit from all this time out. Worst of all, I realize that all my friends who've eventually gotten jobs spent their limbo time as adjuncts, a status which bizarre as it may sound I envy, because I've not been able to land myself any teaching these past two years. Perhaps it's simply circumstance, but it's hard not to doubt. Tell me, my friends, are there others out there who've gone years with only research to sustain them? Have they gotten jobs in the end?

But, no self-pity. This is my path. I've got an office now. My work is laid out before me. I have lectures and conference talks to prepare. I've got articles to submit, books to write. For now, I will continue to chronicle my life here, as I continue to hold on to that hope.


trillwing said...

Keep your chin (and hope) up.

Yesterday, my aunt (who also recently survived the dissertation process and is busy moving up in the world) congratulated me on my new job by saying, "Good things come to those who wait."

"No," I replied. "Good things come to those who work their ass off."

You are certainly in BOTH categories. Good things are coming your way, I'm confident of that.

Lilian said...

I totally understand you about the not being able not to get your hopes up, or trying to imagine your life in a certain place. I did that even last year, when hubby applied to only 2 schools and I to one. I keep looking at his list and wondering, wondering what it would be if we were to live in that or that place... sigh.

I wish you the best, as I wish to us as well. It's good not to be alone in this journey. If hubby gets a job and I don't and I don't land an adjunct position then I'll be in the same situation you're in -- placed in a postition in which I'll only have research to sustain me. I hope to survive, since I've been getting good feedback about my research, I don't want to give up, I want to become a scholar, yes I do... (I mean, I am one, I just don't have the Ph.D. just yet and the TT job to provide the means for continuing research).