Thursday, February 08, 2007

Can't sleep

Just before 4:00am, the Inventor awoke with a cry. This happens several times a week, almost always around 4:00. My wife or I will walk down the hallway to the boys' room, tuck him into his covers, and he's content. It is a gentle reminder of the importance we play in his life, and of the simple gestures that make all the difference. There is something wonderful about seeing my boys asleep in bed, hearing them mumble in that restfulness, giving them a kiss.

This morning, I went. But I couldn't get back to sleep. After about an hour of tossing, I decided to get up, at least for a time.

I turned to my laptop as default. What am I to do, in the middle of the night? I downloaded some articles that are relevant to the new avenue I'm investigating. I found them in fact by following a search that landed someone on my PRW [Personal Research Website]. I skimmed them a bit. But, I'm really too tired to read them. Too tired, and yet sleepless.

This night we had some friends over for dinner. I cooked a turkey breast with mushroom gravy, sautéed zucchini and yellow summer squash, salad with fresh lettuce and sprouts (I grow them myself), and a rice medley. Guests often wonder if we eat like this all the time. Well, yes, we do, mostly. Conversation was pleasant, but too long. They left around 11:00.

One of our guests had asked me how is life: in upheaval was my reply. In upheaval. Too many thoughts to sleep. Yet I'm too exhausted to do much with them, swirling in my head.

My coach, Paul, reiterated yesterday, during a half hour "check in" call: big changes, remember that; I advocate big changes. I feel I am on the verge of them. I feel I'm staring out an open airplane door, ready to jump. I know the parachute is strapped to my back, that it's been tested, that it will be fine. I feel the fear of jumping, the worries, the doubts, and the rush of excitement about doing something uncommon.

Perhaps I'll try to sleep.

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