Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Paying me

In an earlier post, I pasted some of an email to my coach, in which I wrote:
I deserve to have someone pay me for being me. It's simply not fair that the only one "paying me" is my wife, who feels diminished it would seem, from that payment.
He wrote to the first part:
Yes, you do. I’m glad to finally hear you say this.
but went on to add:
Remember our first call. I don’t do the victim thing, nor do I support my clients indulging in victimhood. It is not the world’s fault. Life is not fair. Nor will it ever be. You chose a very difficult career path by going into a field that is very specialized and where jobs are very scarce. Part of our work together is going to be to help you come to terms with that decision by taking full responsibility for the decision and the consequences of the decision. If you did that, how would your life change?
My reply:
Okay. No self-pity. How would my life change? I'd be in charge, at least of me. An old family friend used to recite endlessly the words of William Ernest Henley from his poem "Invictus":
It matters not how straight the gate,
how charged with punishments the scroll,
I am the master of my fate,
I am the captain of my soul.
Okay. I accept the responsibility. The winds may shift, but I'm steering the ship, and what's more, I'm the one who chose to climb aboard.
This is what I'm paying for. I've got work to do on me. At least now, it's being done.