Life's a rollercoaster, and all I want...

All I really want... is to get off and taste the fried dough!
[SIGH]

A bunch of random thoughts. I guess Prof. me is contagious.

I didn't get too upset this afternoon, when the program I was using crashed, and I lost about an hour's worth of work. That's okay. The analysis always goes quicker the second time around.

I've been getting pretty excited about this prospective one-year gig, 1500 miles away. Why? Why should I be pleased over a long shot (aren't they all?) that would be the worst continuing logistical nightmare of my life? Because I really want to get my career started. That's all I can say.

I wrote to a conference friend of mine, who's a prof. at a school less than an hour down the road from there. In response to my general inquiry (which was in part, I admit, just an excuse to be back in touch with him), he wrote:

Obviously it would fantastic for you to be at [that University] as they have one of the most exciting [field 1] and [interdisciplinary field] groups in Canada.

A-yup, I know. That's why I'm excited. But it's just a posting... I haven't even worked up the new syllabus yet, to include with my application. But I've been working on it. Next, my friend went on to write that he anticipates having a post-doc opportunity at his school, that might be appropriate for me. So, there's another possibility.

Maybe this is a good sign though. Usually when I get excited about something, I forget all about the other irons I have in the fire, until I start smelling some smoke. When the smoke comes, it often means something completely unexpected has turned out. None of the three schools who called me for telephone interviews last year were what I expected. Each was quite different from the other: one medium-sized comprehensive state university (where I had the campus interview); one small liberal arts college; a one-year at a major research university.

What do I make of that? Hell, I don't know who'd be interested in me, or why. I can't say why those particular schools called me last year, nor why I've gotten nothing so far this year. But I've got applications out. If it weren't for the records I keep on my computer, I'd have no idea where I've applied. So, who knows? Maybe one of those schools will yet call me up.

I just want to feel a part of the academic community again. I feel like since I filed that diss, and walked across the stage, in my [borrowed] regalia, it's been like severed ties. I'm just this old floor lamp, sitting in the corner, with a frayed power cord, gathering dust.

My wife tires of my ups and downs (as do I). It's frustrating for her, because she realizes there's really nothing she can do. The one thing really lacking in my life is my professional career, about which she has no control. I'm doing everything I can it seems. So, all I can do is wait.

...

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Have I said it before? I hate waiting!