There's always tomorrow. And my goal for tomorrow is just to let go of it all, and enjoy being a dad. I take the boys all day on Fridays now.
I got nothing done on my NEH grant today, though I wanted to have it done today. Deadline is Monday, and I wanted to have a draft sent to my recommenders before submitting. But, you know what, I'm just going to do what I can do. They'll get a chance to read the proposal before they need to submit their letters. If I don't get their feedback, then I don't. If I don't get the fellowship, then I don't. There are bigger things to worry about. No, scratch that... there are more important things in my life than worrying about any given grant or fellowship application. As with most I'm sure, my life is punctuated by far more failure than success. It's all a matter of focus. Why fault the dancer who's tripped, when their high kicks were so spectacular a moment before? Best to try and not notice.
I'm busy with my work just now (even if I have a few terribly unproductive days), and that's good. It is my work after all. So, I'll get the fellowship application finished tomorrow night or on Saturday. It'll be done and submitted. Nothing to worry about. Then I prepare my conference paper, then my colloquium talk. I've got a few job apps to tend to in the meantime (especially Tough Commute U.). And this book review. It's work, but not worth stressing about.
This house. That's not worth my stressing either. Sure, it'd be much better to have it over and done with. But, like most things these days, it's out of my hands. We've taken our stand, and said no more. Tomorrow we should hear back from our realtor whether the buyer will suck it up or walk. Either way, we'll be okay. We'll figure it out.
So, for tomorrow, I'm going to do my best to leave it all behind, and just spend time--as undistracted as I can muster--with my two wonderful, beautiful, marvelous, charming boys.