Tomorrow morning around 4:30 am, the au pair gets on a shuttle to the nearest international airport, for a two week trip back home to Germany. We've been driving her crazy with the back and forth about moving or staying, but she's surviving it, and will stick with us another year, wherever we end up. Sent the large payment (annual fee) to the agency a couple days ago. At least it's only about half what we paid them the first year, making it probably less costly (not to mention better for all involved) than sending the boys to daycare. And, as a bonus, my wife and I can have a date night most weeks. For the next two weeks then, I'm on daddy duty, full-time.
I'm actually in a rather good mood now. I'm feeling less despair at my circumstance, and feeling more like we are steering our own ship. The discussions of the past few days have helped to clarify for me and the Rocket Scientist just what is most important in our lives. Although I still seek that modicum of satisfaction in my professional life, the sense in all its crudeness that someone somewhere would be willing to pay me to do what I am best at doing, and which I believe is worthy and to the benefit of society, I am not desperate to take whatever comes along.
We don't know what the next few months, or even the next year or two, will bring. But I am done waiting. I will write, and present, and draft proposals. I will continue, even ramp up, my efforts to find a suitable position for me, and seek the path that will work for my family as well. I have realized in the past week, that while I wouldn't rule out the possibility of a weekly commute, it's far far from ideal, and an option that I would seek strongly to avoid. Yes, that limits our options. But then, the task is for us to find the way. We shall.