It's been a good day. Yesterday I came to the realization that while it's easy to envy others, that envy in itself is rather meaningless. Self-awareness is essential. It is alright to desire things that one doesn't have. But, in the words of Sheryl Crow:
It's not having what you want
It's wanting what you've got.
In honor of that song's title, I spent a little time today just soaking up the sun (pruning bushes, what else?). I've been taking it easy. And amazingly, I've actually been fairly productive. I'm just not going to worry about it. Hell, 38 ain't so old. What's more, it's just that I have no control over whether I get the job this season, or next, or what. I'm really doing everything I'm comfortable doing. I may make different choices in a few months, or in a year. But for now, I'm going to live a little more freely, a little less concerned.
I know there's magic in that attitude. Somehow, when it just doesn't matter to us, things begin to fall into place. It sometimes makes us more attractive when we're not looking for anything, or worrying about what will come.
Now back to that article. And I've got a couple more job apps to get out in the next week or so. It feels good to work without a hard deadline, without a worry, without a care.