Monday, March 05, 2007

Playin' hooky

The Rocket Scientist called in sick today. To be fair, she has been a bit under the weather. A cold made its rounds of the household while I was out of town. But... I think she decided there were other things she'd rather put her energy into today than the tasks she's assigned at work.

We had a date last night. A nice evening out: dinner, a couple cocktails, and conversation. We finished dinner around 7:00, which was way too early to head home, since the boys go down for the night sometime after 8:00. So, we went to a park, to walk, and sit, and talk. It's a wonderful thing, ten years into a marriage, to still enjoy each other's company. A wonderful thing.

This morning, the au pair took the boys to the zoo, and Rocket and I had a leisurely breakfast, then sat outside on the back patio (the weather here is like summer; not exactly looking forward to August I confess!). She took out a journal, to think through what she wants.

It looks like she is closer to realizing that what she really wants is to take a break from (or leave behind) her work week and career, to spend more time with family and nature. And I... I have realized this past week that the reason I went back to graduate school was not to become a professor, though that was my honest expectation, but rather to play the role of doctoral student, a role I admit I thoroughly enjoyed, one which I played well. It's just the past couple years since graduating, I've been miserable.

I never wished to be cast as the PhD endlessly looking for a faculty job. It's not a role I play particularly well, not a role I really enjoy! I've realized that I have a choice now, a choice of roles which I wish to play. No, I can't choose my career, because I have no control over whether or not I get hired to work in [Applied Research Field]. Even if I build a consultancy, a strong possibility at this point, I can't guarantee that it would succeed, that I would gain clients, that I would make the sort of living that I seek. But, I can choose to follow that path, to pursue such a career. And honestly, right now, the way I feel, that is a role I think I will enjoy!

1 comment:

apparently said...

Do you ever wish you didn't like the doctoral student role? I had such an overwhelmingly positive grad school experience that I think it might have tainted all future experiences (nothing can meet my expectations).

Sounds like you had a lovely evening and morning. It was 13 degress here and windy this morning, breakfast on the patio -- not an option. Have an extra cup of coffee for me.